Unguarded Love

42-I Do Love Her

Asa

I feel as though I am in a daze, watching Percy walk out of my room, tears in her eyes and my heart in her hands. 

There's this pain in my chest screaming at me that I didn't make the right decision. That I shouldn't have let my moms words get to me the way they did. 

She was right though, Percy not my mom, I am a coward. 

I took the easy way out and watching her walk away from me was like a punch to the gut. 

Still, Percy deserves better than me. I've known that since the first time I met her. 

Now it was time to deal with the consequences of my actions. I had set Percy free from me like she needed and now all that would be left is pain. 

My door opens and I turn, thinking it's Percy, but Ridge stands there. His features hard as he glares at me. 

"What the fuck did you do?" He asks and I sit down on the edge of my bed, dropping my head between my arms as I blow out a breath. 

"Nah, don't play this game with me Brookes." Ridge rumbles, "Not after I just watched Seph leave here with tears in her eyes, tears I know you caused."

I swallow harshly. 

"I asked you if you needed me to stay with you when you went to see your mom but you shut me out. Then even Coach offered and you shut him out and now after whatever the fuck happened with her you take it out on Seph?" He scoffs. 

"You're my best friend but sometimes it feels one sided. I tell you it all and you rarely tell me shit but I accept it. I know how you work and I care about you anyways but you're famous for pushing people away."

Well I guess my mom was right, I'm more like my dad than I thought or wanted to admit. 

"This first time I have seen you truly open up to anyone was with Seph. She made you let your stupid fucked up guard down, why the fuck did you have to go and push her away too?" Ridge asks. 

Tired of this conversation I stand, "You don't get to come in here and scold me like I'm some little kid. I did what I needed to do for Percy. Don't you fucking see it?" I beg him. 

He shakes his head, "What the hell did your mom say to you?" He seems just as tired as I feel. 

"Oh I don't know the good old I'm just like my father speech and that she sits there and prays to God that I don't fall in love. That I don't fuck up a girl like my dad did to my mom. I can't do that to Percy, Ridge."

Before I can blink he's pulling me into a hug. 

"Are we seriously doing this?" I mumble into his shoulder. He laughs, "Yeah, Brookes, we're doing this. Now hug me back before things start to get weird."

I wrap my arms around him and we stand there in the center of my room hugging like two dudes do on the regular. 

Pulling a part he eyes me, "You know what she said was bullshit right?" He asks and I look away. 

"Nah, Brookes you can't be serious right now."

I shrug and he sighs. 

"Listen to me because this is the only time I'm ever going to feed your ego like this." He tells me, "You're not your father and you deserve love. You think Seph would give you the time of day if you didn't deserve it?" he asks. 

"I don't know what made your mom so miserable, maybe its her fucked up choice in men." I glare at him and he shrugs, "What? She wants to point fingers at everyone but herself, yeah she's a victim to some fucked up shit but she isn't doing anything about it and she has no right placing anything on your shoulders. You are her son not the other way around."

I've never seen Ridge so worked up when it came to something like this. 

"Her words hold no value, ok?" He begs, "You wouldn't leave Seph like that, with a kid all alone. You aren't like that just like she isn't your mom."

I sink down on the bed, "I don't know whats wrong with me."

"Nothing, man, nothing is wrong with you." He tells me, "But I do have some advice." 

My brows furrow, "What?"

I really don't want to hear his smart ass remarks right now. Still, I think I might need to.

"For starters you need to get your girl back because this poor me shit is stupid. There is no reason the two of you shouldn't be together and if you pull your head out of your ass for five minutes you'd see that." He starts and I clench my fists by my side. 

"Secondly, I think you need to see a therapist." I scoff but he continues, "You need to talk about your past and your issues with someone who can help you if you ever want to move past this, with Seph by your side."

I sigh. I know my issues run deeper than they should but the thought of talking about them with a therapist is daunting. I guess that's the first step though in trying to move on, letting my guard down. 

"Let Seph in, let me in, and find someone to talk about it with. If you need help I'll help and if you can't afford it I got you. Just-" He sighs, "I just want to see you happy man."

I nod, "Thanks, Ridge."

I don't want to repeat the cycle, I don't want to be my dad running away when things get hard or my mom who can never take responsibility for things I have the power to change. 

Coaches words from the other day take root. That just because their blood doesn't make them family and he's right. 

Ridge is my family and so is Mamma Foster, Percy, and even Coach. I have people I can lean on, I don't have to just rely on myself anymore. 

"Of course, man. I'm always going to be here for you." He says and I give him a hint of a smile, "And I'll always be here for you too."

His brows furrow, "What do you mean?"

A snort escapes me, "Don't act like I don't see the shit with you and Peyton. Do you love her?"

A wistful smiles takes over his face, "Yeah man, I do love her."

It makes me think of Percy, the love I have for that girl is terrifying. 

"I have to get her back." I say and he nods, "Yeah that was never a question, now once you get her back don't fuck it up again alright?"

I smile, "Yeah, I don't plan to ever leave her again."

And I meant it. 

That night Ridge helps me look for a good therapist. He insists we have to find the best of the best no quacks which means he's willing to pay. 

I tell him he can't pay but then he plays the best friend card which I have no idea what it is but he claims it gives him power to do best friend things such as pay for things that will lead to my happiness. 

Then the next day before I talk to Percy I go to coach first. I open up to him like I know I need to, I let my guard down.

I tell him about my visit with my mom and what I said to Percy. 

Waiting, I had expected him to yell at me for hurting his daughter but instead he pulled me in for a hug. 

What is up with everyone hugging me lately?

He then told me about his past and the things he never wants Percy to know. I promised to keep what he told me between us because I know those things she should never know. 

How cruel some parents can truly be. 

After that he grumbled and told me to fix things with his daughter which was what I was planning to do. 

I had everything I wanted to say but the moment she opens the door they all vanish from my mind. 

All I can see is the girl I love and I know no matter what I need to fix this. 

I'm breaking the cycle and I'm getting my girl.