Unguarded Love

27-Dog Fight

Persephone

There was a time in my life where my dreams almost came true. 

When those dreams were so close I could taste them, and they were sweet. 

At thirteen I never considered much because my whole world revolved around figure skating. School even took the back burner because I refused to miss practice even if I was behind or genuinely needed to study. 

I remember how Peyton used to have to sneak the answers to me between classes because I wasn't prepared. 

When I did do bad in classes though, that's when dad was around. 

I could get medals at meets all day long and the man wouldn't bat an eye but the moment I showed up from school with a D on my paper he was there ready to tell me how I fucked up. 

Luckily at that point I had my mom though. Callie Porter was the glue to my father and I. She was the peacekeeper and the only one who was able to settle my dad when he got worked up. 

After my dad and I would fight and I would go in my room to cry my mom would appear. 

'The two of you are so alike' she would say to me, 'That's why you clash as much as you do'

I always hated when she compared me to my dad even when I knew she wasn't be malicious but stating a point. 

I think it was because I didn't want to look in the mirror and see my dad but that was all I saw. 

He was consumed with his work just as much as I was with figure skating. 

Neither of us had a pause button and when my mom died we retreated to the farthest opposite corners we could. 

My dad buried himself in work and I put all of my focus into school. 

Our already strained relationship turned almost non-existent and I honestly think if I had chosen a college out of state we wouldn't even talk. 

How sad is that?

"Do you see my dad when you look at me?" I ask Asa one night as we lay in his bed together. 

He looks down at me, a frown on his face. "Please don't ever bring up Coach when we're naked in bed together." 

I roll my eyes playfully as I tap his chest, "I'm serious." I sit up, wrapping the sheet around my naked chest as I stare down at him. 

"I'm not talking about looks, idiot. Growing up my mom always used to say I was a mirror of my dad, that it was the reason we clashed so much and never got along." I admit. 

He sighs as he sits up against the headboard. 

"What's this about, Percy?" He asks, taking my foot in his hand and starts to massage it. 

Groaning, I run a hand through my hair, "It's just with the wedding and everything coming up, I can't help but see how he is with Janet and it's so close to how he was with mom. I actually see him smile and engage with them but it's like he can't even bare to look at me sometimes."

I take a deep breath, "I can't even excuse him and say it's because mom died, he's always been that way towards me. Sometimes it feels like the only reason he tolerated me to begin with was because of mom and now because he wants to keep her memory or whatever."

It's the harshest pill to swallow. That maybe my dad only has these dinners with me because he feels obligated to. 

"Baby, look at me." Asa says, as he squeezes my calf.