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TRACK 19 - PART 1

With (NO) love, Tyler-Jane Roberts

"Hello?"

That wasn't his voice. The phone was still ringing. I looked at the device as it stopped, realizing I had been sent to voicemail. If it wasn't him, then who was it?

"TJ?"

I found myself fixated on a flyer that was taped to the wall of the bathroom stall. The female was posing seductively with the words 'GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS' covering her naked body.

"Was that you?" I whispered.

There was a sweetness to her voice as she asked, "Were you hoping it was?" 

I shrugged. "Kind of. I think I'd be-"

"Hello?" the voice repeated. "TJ? Are you in here?"

Looking around, I quickly scanned each wall of the small, enclosed stall I was beginning to feel trapped in. My eyes landed back on the flyer. "Okay, now... was that you?" I asked her.

The woman giggled, shaking her head. "No. But, call me if you ever want to have a good time."

I squinted my eyes as I focused on the number near the bottom of the page. Now the number was magically memorized. That trick worked every time. Glancing back up, I gave the woman a wink. "I'll call you," I said, unlocking the stall door.

"There you are!" Gwen huffed. "Did you not hear me? I was in here, like, five minutes ago looking for you. Are you okay?"

"Do you hear that?"

Gwen cocked her head to the side. "Hear what?"

"That!" I repeated. "It's like a buzzing noise."

"Your phone's ringing, idiot!" She let out a laugh. "How fucked up are you?"

I looked down at the device in my hand. My heart completely stopped for a full beat as I read the name that appeared on the screen.

"Oh my god! Is he calling you?"

Unable to find any words, I nodded in response.

"Answer it!"

"No," I said quickly.

"Why not? You know you want to."

"I don't care." The shakiness in my voice ruined my efforts to convince her otherwise.

"Answer it!"

"No!"

Gwen reached forward attempting to grab the phone out of my hands. "Do it! Talk to him!"

"I can't, Gwen. You know I-"

"Hello?"

Quickly covering the microphone, I screamed a silent, "Fuck!" at the sound of his voice. This time there was no mistaking who was speaking. It was him. And hearing his voice, his real voice and not one of his songs blasting through the club speakers, sent an unusual rush of guilt straight through my chest.

Gwen nudged my side. "Say something," she whispered.

All the words I could think of instantly died in my mouth. Instead, I raised the device to my ear. I wanted to crawl back into the bathroom stall hearing the eagerness in Carter's voice when he asked, "TJ? Are you there?"

I am, I desperately wanted to say.

"Look... I'm guessing this is just a butt dial or something because it's," he paused, "Oh, shit, wow, three in the morning. So, you're probably out and I am talking to... no one." Carter sounded slightly disappointed as he continued, "If somehow you are there, I just want you to know that I'm sorry and - fuck, do you know how hard it is to stop thinking about you?" He let a laugh escape. "I've had to stop myself from calling or texting you all week. And, here I am rambling to no one about how much I miss you over a fucking call you don't even know you made, and all I want is-" There was another pause of silence. "Shit."