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TRACK 42 - PART 2

"What is it?"

"I just..." she paused. "I really missed you."

"Is that it?" I asked, taking a step towards her.

She nodded. "It's been really fucking hard without you around." TJ wet her bottom lip with her tongue. "It hasn't been the same without you."

"Do you know how much I missed you?"

"How much?"

I placed my fingers under her chin and tilted her head to allow my eyes to meet hers. "Really, really fucking much." My eyes flickered to her lips, but I resisted the urge to give in to my temptation right then and there, knowing there was something more important I had to tell her first. "I want you to know how thankful I am for you. And, how sorry I am that I put you through all of this."

"Carter, that's not what I meant-"

"No, I put you through hell and here you are. Showing up early to help out Ma and take care of Rory... you got my Dad to talk sports with you and I don't know how the hell you did that," I said as I noticed her sink her teeth into her bottom lip and turn her head to the side. "Baby, I don't know what the fuck I ever did to deserve having someone like you walk into my life... but I need you to know that I promise to never, ever hurt you or put you through anything like that ever again."

The moment I stopped speaking and took a breath was the moment I realized tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Shit. I didn't mean to-"

TJ buried her face in her hands and turned to the side in an attempt to shield her body away from my view.

I wasn't sure what I had said to make her react this way - although, it didn't matter. She was sobbing in the middle of the living room over something I had said. Whatever particular line set her off was the least of my concerns. All I could do now was try and make things better. Wrapping my arms around her, I drew her body towards mine and held her close. I placed a kiss on the top of her head as my hand soothingly rubbed her back.

After a few minutes, TJ's cries appeared to stop as she pulled herself back and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's stupid," she said, the shakiness evident in her voice. "I'm fine."

"Come on, baby. Don't do this to yourself. If there is something on your mind, I don't want you to feel you need to keep it in." I brushed away a tear. "Is it something I said? Or about before I went away?"

She shook her head. "No, it's not that at all."

"Let's sit," I said, leading her back towards the couch.

TJ focused her attention on her hands, picking at her fingernails. "I went out a bit while you were away."

I feared the answer to her question, and every being inside me screamed to change the topic instead of asking. Yet, I did so anyway. "Did something happen?"

"What do you-" her eyes widened. "Oh, no! Carter, I didn't cheat on you or anything like that. I just wanted to escape my head for a bit so I...used some help." She tapped the side of her nose.

"And?"

TJ raised a brow. "And, that's it."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I think I'm just a bit confused. What's the issue with that?"

"I thought if we're a team, I'm not supposed to do that anymore."

"TJ, we're still a team even if you went out and did that - even if you want to go out and do that in the future. You shouldn't feel the need to change that for me - I'm never going to ask you to do that for me." I took her hands in mine.