TRACK 40 - PART 2

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TJ stepped outside, balancing the tray of food in one hand while she closed the sliding door behind her with the other. Walking towards the table, she was careful with each step, not wanting to spill and create a mess over her hard work. She was proud of the arrangement she had put together and wanted him to have enough food to eat.

Pancakes had become a Sunday morning tradition - an inside joke that had resulted from when they got distracted over his number one album. She even added chocolate chips, arranging them in the shape of a smiley face, with the hopes it might bring him some amusement.

She set the table and worried he would think she had gone over the top. Carter always put in the extra effort for her, without even thinking about it. It was second nature to him. And she wanted to return the favour and do the same. Even if that meant her extra effort was only a cup of fresh fruit.

"I hope you're hungry," she said as she turned her head. Her brow furrowed as she spoke out to no one. "Carter?"

TJ stepped away from the table and scanned the yard. "Carter?" she called out again. Fear chilled her bones as she looked around, unable to spot the dark-haired man. "Carter, are you out here?"

She made her way onto the grass, whipping her head from side to side, trying to find him. There was only one entry back into the house - she would have seen him enter. Or, at least heard him. Her eyes found the side gate. Did he leave? No - there was security at the front. They would have stopped him.

Her chest tightened and her palms started to sweat as each call of his name went unanswered. She continued down the path and made her way onto the concrete. 

The first thing she spotted as she walked towards the pool was his towel, crumpled into a wet ball on the ground. That wasn't like him. He never left his things laying around.

Her head turned towards the water. For a split second, she almost let out a breath of relief. But instead, she stood frozen, unable to move as she took in the sight of his body floating on the surface of the water, his face down.

"Carter? What are you doing?" she asked as if he were playing some type of game.

As each second passed, she watched with desperation for his body to turn over. Please... please, don't be doing this to me, she silently begged. Her own towel fell to the floor and she stepped towards the edge, praying that he was only fooling around.

What a horrible joke he tried to play. But as long as he was only trying to scare her, she could manage to forgive him.

Once in the water, there was no hesitation in her movements. She knew from the first ripple of water that pushed his body that her worst fears were true. That didn't stop her from clinging onto the smallest fragment of hope she had left.

Ignoring the tears that pooled in her eyes, she turned his body over. TJ had to bite her tongue in order to not fall apart the moment she saw his lifeless face. She dragged his body through the water and towards the steps, where the two had been together not too long ago.

"Please wake up, baby," she whispered to him. His head rested in her lap as she cradled his face with her hand.

The feeling of helplessness crept its way inside her body, sending a piercing pain through her heart. She wouldn't be able to pull him out of the water by herself. She wasn't strong enough. She needed someone to help her in order to help him.

TJ turned her head and looked back towards the house. "Somebody help!" she screamed, hoping they would hear. "Please! Somebody!"

She looked back at him, brushing the strands of hair that stuck to his forehead. "You're going to be okay," she whispered. "You have to be okay... you have to." She sank her teeth into her cheek, not wanting to shed a tear. If she cried, that meant he was dead. And he wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead.

Pressing two fingers to his neck, her stomach formed a knot as she was unable to find a pulse. "No... no... no," she muttered, moving her hand to his wrist. Panic shook through her body, causing her to tremble in pain. "Don't leave me like this."

Reaching for his necklace, she held onto the ring as it suddenly all hit her.

Tears stained her cheeks as she let out a heartbroken cry. She had never cried like this before; the sounds she made were foreign to her. There was a sick feeling in her heart, something she never knew was possible. It almost scared her that she was breaking down in such a way. She had never lost someone she loved; was this how it was supposed to feel? Like a piece of your soul died with them?

Because that's how she felt. A part of her would die with him. Because if he was truly gone, what on earth did she have left?

The sounds of voices were evident from behind but she didn't turn her head. She couldn't take her eyes off him as she feared that the moment she did, it would all become real. Clinging to the tiny strings of hope that remained for him to open his eyes was all she had left.

Hands pulled her away from him. She kicked and screamed, yet they didn't listen to her. The last thing she wanted was to be taken from him. And as her view was blocked as they pulled him out of the water, she was terrified this meant the inevitable was true.

She ignored the frightened looks the others gave her. They tried to turn her away and force her to not see his body laying on the ground, but she screamed out his name and fought against them.

"Carter!" The sound of her voice came out in a desperate shriek, hoping it would wake him and force this nightmare to be over.

Managing to break free from whoever was holding her back, she ran to him. Her knees gave out as she collapsed down onto the concrete beside him. "You can't leave me, baby..."  Her hands quivered as she touched his cold skin. "It's not time for you to go... We're a team, remember? You can't go without me," she whispered to him, leaning down and pressing a kiss on his forehead. "Please wake up. Please..."

TJ rested her head against his chest, letting another cry of tears escape her.

Half her heart died with him.

Without him, she felt empty.

And she feared she'd never know what it would be like to love or be loved by someone the same way ever again.

And she feared she'd never know what it would be like to love or be loved by someone the same way ever again

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