Fear & Desire ❤️‍🔥

Loki

When Loki left, the first thing he did was call Bucky. He knew y/n was in a bad state, thanks to him, and as much as he wanted to comfort her, he knew he was causing more harm than good.

Teleporting back to the tower and into his room, Loki glanced over at the painting he was yet to finish. He just needed to add a few other details than it'd be ready. Perfect.

Changing into painting attire, Loki sat before the art piece and began with light brush strokes. He thought about when he first started realising he loved y/n. When he first met her, he recognised her as someone who was pretty. He saw her stunning outfit, perfect hair and makeup, her tenacious personality, all of which led his besotted mind to imagine he was thrusting into her when he bed Lan- Anna that night. It was the morning after that was truly magical. When he laid his eyes on her as she stepped out of her room the next morning, no flashy outfit, no perfect makeup, messy hair and a smile, he knew she wasn't simply a pretty face. She was beautiful, alluring, a prepossessing sight indeed.

Switching colours, Loki thought about when he dropped y/n home. The way she sang in the car. Her voice was harmonic. Charming. He wanted to record it and play it over and over remembering this moment with her. Loki thought that there was nothing more she could do to make her more intriguing but he was proved wrong when he saw her book shelf and recognised some of his favourite titles. He assumed it was just for show, a front to make y/n seem more intellectual but again, he was proven wrong when she finished the quote from the book that he had started reciting. That's when Loki really felt his heart beginning to warm up to her.

Picking up one of the thinner brushes, Loki remembered how torn he had felt the night y/n was at the tower conducting an interrogation. At first, he had to teleport her to the quintet which wasn't the bad part. The bad part was when she stared flirting with the one armed assassin. He felt strange emotions he didn't want to feel so decided to put his walls up. When he insulted y/n, he saw her face fall for a second and he felt terrible. To make matters worse, that night he stumbled onto Bucky and y/n kissing. He knew she and Bucky had been speaking on the phone, he ensured to catch a quick glance of her whenever he'd see her on his phone-screen, but he didn't know it was this serious. He was upset and annoyed. He was annoyed at y/n, which was something he couldn't maintain especially when she was so forgiving.

Stepping up to quickly grab water for the watercolour paints, Loki recalled the events leading up to his peaceful nights sleep that night. He had come to apologise to y/n and she forgave him and decided it'd be better if they reintroduced themselves to one another. She even wished him goodnight which made him feel a warmth he hadn't felt in years. Y/n's genuine kindness and forgiveness was offered in abundance, always, that why her harsh words had hurt that much more. It hurt because Loki realised how much he hurt her. So much that she couldn't find it in her heart to forgive him and because she was right. He was a monster. Unlovable. Destined for a lonesome life.

Loki could finally put a name on these new emotions when y/n and himself started seeing each other more often. He loved how she loved his poems. He loved her haikus. He loved her smile, the way her face brightened up whenever she saw him, her hair, her clothes, her smile, her laugh, her perfume. Everything. He loved her. Her positivity and her charm was addictive.

Stepping away from the painting, Loki looked at it to see what he could add. He then thought about how y/n had cared for him. He then thought about her hands on his bare skin. It was electrifying. He recalled her face when she saw his body. She had a look of lust decorating her features for a moment before resuming her usual demeanour. Perhaps she felt the same for him.

Sitting back down, Loki remembered y/n's naked body when he accidentally stumbled on her and Bucky. She looked like a masterpiece. An asgardian goddess couldn't compete with the beauty and radiance of y/n. He then felt his heart crushing when he looked towards Bucky who was also half naked. Clearly they had just copulated. He felt hurt. How could she have chosen Bucky over him. What did they even have in common? Had he heard her sing? Had they exchanged literature like she did with Loki? Mended him? Looked at him with lust filled eyes? When she told him to leave, he felt an overwhelming sense of abandonment. He was pained. He wanted y/n to feel a fraction of that pain. That betrayal.

Adding the final few brush strokes, Loki put a hand to his heart thinking about what had just occurred. When he delved into y/n's mind, he saw her benders, her recklessness, her broken soul, her heartbreaks, her grief, her hopelessness when her dads case wasn't solved, her soul shatter at his loss. How abandoned she felt. How alone. He realised he had made a grave mistake. He found her fear. Y/n felt as if her caregiver had abandoned her which was something he related to deeply at the loss of his own mother. Nothing could have prepared Loki for the guilt he would feel doing that to y/n. He had reverted this confident, beautiful girl back into that broken soul.

When y/n ran off out of the elevator, Loki followed her only slowing down when she entered the graveyard. He granted her the curtesy of privacy until he saw her breakdown. The sadness, the anger, the fear, he knew he needed to reassure her. That's when he hugged her. Reassured her she wasn't and never would be alone.

His heart burned looking at the painting. It was a masterpiece. It was y/n. Of course it was a masterpiece. Her that morning after the party. A picture of perfection. He thought about the spiteful look in her eye when he last saw her compared to that morning when he saw her hungover yet looking more winsome than the night before. He had broken her mended heart.

Loki pledged that he'd try his hardest to solve the case of y/n's dads death. He knew others had tried and been unsuccessful but Loki was a god, surely he could solve it. He had to. For her. For y/n.