Fear & Desire ❤️‍🔥

Sinners play as saints

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"Oh" y/n murmured before making a beeline for the door.
Bucky watched as her expression changed from realisation to hurt. He saw the moment she saw his fears. He didn't want her to find out, not like this. The realisation of his actions hit him as y/n slammed the door.

Bucky stood up to chase after her but then decided to let her leave. What would he have said that could have made the situation any better? Sitting back on his bed, he looked down at the discarded condom wrapper carelessly thrown on the floor during a night of drunken regret.

Disesteem and contrition tugged at his emotions as he cursed the actions of a careless man so inebriated and ridiculously short sited that he decided to plunge his plethora of emotions into the nearest available outlet being the lady from the bar.

Bucky thought that the expression y/n had when he had pushed her that day was the most tortured, wounded and upset he'd ever see her but it didn't compare to her simple deflated expression when she uttered the dismal "oh." He saw his whole world come crashing down as she turned to leave. He had ruined it. Ruined her.

A knock at the door took Bucky out of his thoughts. He perked up thinking that it could be y/n but this was was shortly lived.

"Bucky, it's me, can I come in?" Steve asked earning a 'yes' noise from Bucky.

"What happened?" He asked curiously "y/n was running down the corridor in tears."

Bucky didn't answer, he didn't look up at Steve, he just winced at the mention of y/n crying.

"What did you do Buck?" Steve questioned as Bucky remained silent.

"I-I" he stammered reluctant to admit what he did.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Steve demanded.

"I CHEATED" Bucky yelled standing up causing Steve to step backwards completely stunned.

"You what?"

"I cheated" Bucky repeated quieter.

They stood in silence for a few moments as Steve tried to comprehend what Bucky had just said. Steve and y/n had always been close since she joined the team. He saw her as a sister hence why whenever she made mistakes, he'd never really reprimand her. He'd try but he could never bring himself to, save the odd false telling offs. Before she joined, he had seen some of the things she had done, he idolised her but when she joined the team, he realised that she was just like him. Someone trying to make the world a better place because no one did for them. Someone who wore a mask in the face of the public, never really being their authentic selves until in the solitary company of their own room. Someone who had endured things that would have destroyed many. Someone who preferred their time as just y/n and not some sort of valiant avenger. Steve related to her, he preferred Steve Rogers, not Captain America who was faultless and perfect. Y/n was someone who needed no deserved protection. He felt disgusted by Bucky's actions.

"Say something" Bucky begged.

"How could you? I have stood by you countless times James but this, y/n, I am disappointed"

Bucky was nauseous hearing Steve refer to him as James. The name sounded foreign coming from Steve.

"Steve I—"

"Save it" Steve said shushing him with his hand "you know, I used to look up to you" he snorted with a fake smile "I used to think you'd never let me down. Even when you were brainwashed, you still saved me, remember, you saved me but now, you haven't just let me down, you've hurt someone I care a lot about and any shred of respect I had for you is gone. You're done"

"Stev—"

"Done" Steve concluded walking out of his room and slamming the door.

Bucky sat back down sighing. He felt stupid for thinking he could join the team, become one of the good guys, have a relationship, it was a stupid concept, he was just a sinner masquerading as a saint.