Fear & Desire ❤️‍🔥

Dead to me

Slowly opening your eyes, you were hit with a bright light that was blinding. Squinting, you ran your eyes over the room before they fell on Loki. You were at the medbay of the compound. Felling the weight of his hand in yours, you instantly retracted it.

"Y/n" he called looking down at you with a relieved smile.

"Where's Bucky?" you asked hoarsely.

"I don't know, we found you outside the compound unconscious, y/n lay back down you need to rest" he emphasised as you ripped the IV from your arm and tried to get up.

"Get off of me" you whined when he tried to push you back down.

"Y/n, you have to rest"

"No! What I have to do is round up earths mightiest hero's who never seem to fucking be around when I need them and find Bucky" you proclaimed.

"Y/N"

"NO! Don't say my name Loki, I know"

The way you and Loki always knew what the other was thinking used to be a gift. You'd both look at each other if someone done something you both thought was funny. You'd nudge each other under the table whenever you were in a meeting and the person talking would make a silly mistake. This almost telepathic link was always seen as a benefaction but now, it was a burden. Loki didn't know how you knew but he knew what you were referring to. He didn't know you had seen the footage but he could infer by the way you looked at him. The eyes that had always been full of love, the eyes that forgave him, the eyes that tended to him, the eyes that lusted over him, they were gone, replaced by eyes that offered nothing but hatred.

"You can't even look at me" you snarled "go on, deny it I want you no I'm begging for you to deny it."

"Y/N, you have to understand I was being controlled" he pleaded reaching for your hand again.

"DON'T TOUCH ME" you yelled.

"Y/N—"

"No, I have to go, I promised someone I'd kill them and I intend to make good on my promises" you remarked trying to stand up again.

"Y/N!"

"YOU WILL NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!" You shouted "you may be a god, but you bleed and you die like everybody else. Stay away from me Loki, that is a warning"

"Y/N—"

"You will not even breathe my name. I am dead to you and you" you whispered getting closer to him "you are dead to me."

Loki opened his mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by Bruce walking into the room. Grimacing, Loki stood up and walked outside of the room. He stayed standing outside, eyes never leaving you.

After Bruce was done with his checks and explaining how you'd feel once off of all the painkillers, Steve walked into the room. As soon as he walked in, your eyes locked and you furrowed your brows in an apologetic way causing Steve to lower his head and nod.

"He's gone. He sacrificed himself for me" you said quietly as your eyes began to brim with tears.

Steve rushed over to you, embracing you in a hug.

"It's not your fault y/n, we'll find him." He assured.

Loki stood at the door wishing he was the one comforting you right now.

By the next day, you were able to return back to your room although you only went there briefly to pick up a few things to take home. You would do everything in your power to find Bucky along with the team but you couldn't stay in the compound. Not this close to Loki. He waited outside the medbay the whole time you were there, Bruce even told you he watched you when you were sleeping incase anything happened. None of them knew what had happened between you both, only that you weren't really talking. No one asked.

When you arrived home, you dropped your things and headed to your bedroom to get ready. It felt almost innate, the urge to just go out and get intoxicated, just forget this cruel saga that was your life, just for a while. The team assured they'd do their bests to track down Bucky so a few hours of raving for you couldn't hurt.
You did your hair, put on some makeup to cover your healing black eye, zipped up your skimpy dress and stepped into your heels. Ordering an Uber, you made your way to a club you used to frequent a lot back in the day.