Fear & Desire ❤️‍🔥

Sad eyes cry crimson blood

You were instantly hit with the smell of alcohol and sweat. The music was earsplitting, just how you liked it. Walking to the bar, you ordered yourself a drink. Sitting down, you tried to just forget everything and focus on the present, being here, right now. You then ordered another drink. And another. And another. Sipping your fifth martini, your ears perked up hearing the song change.

Jumping up, you ran to the dance floor as Alice Practice started playing. Each lyric pierced your soul as if it was just one big metaphor for your life. The room felt like it was spinning and the flashing lights were abhorrent but you didn't care. This was better than being at home, engaging in life.

Turning back towards the bar, a guy smiled at you. You gave a smile back and he sat next to you.

"Hey, I'm Noah, can I get you something to drink?" He questioned leaning down to speak in your ear.

"I'm y/n, and yes I'd like a martini please" you answered speaking in his ear.

You spoke for around five minutes as you drank your drinks. You couldn't really hear each other so you both had to keep leaning closer together to understand. Your hand occasionally brushed his lap as you tried to steady yourself on the bar stool, feeling dizzier and dizzier. At one point he left for a few minutes to go to the bathroom and came back with dilated pupils as his finger brushed under his nose. Reaching a hand up, he helped you to stand as you walked back to the dance floor.

Standing behind you, his hands gripped your waist as you both danced. Someone else came up to him slipping him a small plastic bag along with a wink.

Breaking from his grip, you left to go to the toilets. They were as disgusting as you remembered them being but it didn't stop you from sitting on a toilet and placing your head in your hands as you cried. You had lost Bucky. He sacrificed his sanity for you even after everything. You had lost Loki. You couldn't bare the thought of being near him without just killing him. You watched him murder your dad. No amount of excuses could excuse that.
Exiting the toilets after trying to wipe your smudged mascara, you found Noah again.

"Wanna pop a pill?" he asked laughing in your ear as he continued holding your back against him whilst you danced.

Usually you'd say no. Especially now. The old y/n was reckless but this new reformed y/n was mature, responsible, rational, sensible—

"Sure" you smiled.

You knew it was wrong, you knew it was wrong, you were supposed to be different, an avenger for goodness sakes, but being upset and intoxicated always lowered your inhibitions. All you wanted was to feel numb. Spinning in Noah's arms, you reached up to kiss him as he transferred the pill from his tongue to yours.

Numb was the last thing you felt. It had been around 20 minutes and now you felt euphoric. It didn't take a scientist to work out you had taken ecstasy. You couldn't even scold yourself for not asking what it was he gave you before taking it, all that mattered in this moment were the vibrations from the music travelling through your body. The feeling of Noah's body against yours.
Spinning to face him, you grinned grabbing his hand leading him towards the toilets.

Pushing your back against the wall, Noah's hands starting exploring your body as he ran them over your sides. He leant down and kissed you desperately as he picked you up. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you moaned into the kiss itching for him to touch you. Craving the feeling of him inside you. Aching to feel full. So why did you break the kiss, swatting him away?
"Y/n?" Noah questioned awkwardly as you pulled your dress down that had ridden up.

"I can't. I'm sorry" you said lowering your head shamefully.

"Hey, don't worry, let's leave" He said lifting your chin up and catching you by surprise.

"What?"

"There's a 24 hour diner near near, wanna go?"

You could have cried with how nice Noah was being about the whole situation. This is something you weren't used to back in the day.

"Sure" you smiled before he lead you out.

The diner was around 10 minutes away. 10 minutes of you pretty much laughing in Noah's arms as he carried you whilst you held your heels. When you arrived, you ordered some fries as you and Noah spoke.

After a while of talking and occasionally eating the odd fry, Noah decided to ask if there was anyone he could call to take you home.

"No" you replied looking down at the plate.

"Really, no one? Surely there's someone? He said in a jokey tone.

"Well there is someone but me and him aren't really on speaking terms at the moment because he killed my dad but I think I fucking love him and I do like having sex with him but—"

"Umm" Noah choked awkwardly ending your rant "well if you have his number, I can give him a call."

"No, it's alright, but thank you" you said looking at him as he tried to look anywhere but at you.

"Well, an Uber then?"

"Yes please."