LVLYA

Chapter 91: A Blade of Grass, The Sun of Spring

As a child, Yue Zhishi had once seen a piece of news. It had reported an orphan who'd lost his parents after a disaster, and words such as 'good samaritans from all walks of life', 'charity' and 'deeds done from the heart' kept being said, again and again.

At that time, he'd been docilely sitting in front of the television, and yet he'd thought, I'm so similar to him.

The choice of wording in that piece of news seemed to etch into his heart. Every time he saw anything similar, Yue Zhishi would compare himself to the people within, and then silently whisper in his heart, I'm so lucky.

Later, he couldn't help but deem every person who treated him well as a 'good samaritan'. He treated the love and care everyone gave him as 'charity', and then did his best to return the heart others had given him. All of those behaviours had already long been carved into his bones and had become part of him, unable to be cut away.

But within the multitude of so many kind people, the two people Yue Zhishi wanted to repay the most, yet was most unable to repay, were the Song parents.

As he hoped to always be able to offer them happiness and warmth, he also gave them irreversible harm because of his selfish love. The two conflicting desires pushed and pulled at each other, dragging at him until he was almost torn apart.

Standing in the living room, Yue Zhishi thought with remorse and anger that he must've definitely come across very badly. His illness and panic had thrown his thoughts into chaos, to the point even he himself didn't know what he was saying.

He clearly could've been steadier. He clearly could've not cried.

This living room, to them, was way too familiar. The phantom ghosts of happiness seemed to remain in every single corner. Yue Zhishi and Song Yu sitting in front of their parents' knees when they were children, building lego blocks; the four of them sitting in front of the television together, fighting to watch different shows; them cuddling up together under the same extra large woollen blanket during winter — as well as the uncountable amount of times they'd eaten late night snacks, together.

Within that same space, they were now separated. Those closely knit together hearts had been divided by cold air, and every single one of them was silent from grief, each second passing as though they were years.

He didn't know how much time had passed. Feeling as though he was hearing things, Yue Zhishi heard Song Jin speak, his voice laboured and hoarse.

"It was all my fault."

She'd only heard that one sentence, and yet Lin Rong was already choking with sobs.

"It's not." Yue Zhishi's heart stung. "Uncle Song..."

Song Jin sat on the sofa, the sight of his back looking as though he'd aged ten years. "I busied myself earning money everyday, hoping for you guys to be able to have a more plentiful life without any burdens. Whenever I came home, I just wanted to spend time with you, to chat. I wanted to be a satisfactory parent, because we actually carry the hopes of two families on our shoulders. I didn't expect to not actually understand the two children I've raised after passing so many years. Sometimes I'd look at the two of you and think, not bad. I didn't have a single regret in this life, with both of my children so outstanding, such good people. I was particularly proud of myself, to the point where I thought that I could... could stand a bit straighter when I went to see Yue Yi again."

His voice was slightly shaky, his eyes blank as he gazed at the black television screen. It was as though Yue Yi was standing in front of him, as though he could slip an arm around his shoulders like he used to do in the past. "I could say to him — look at how well I've raised your son. I might've raised him even better than you could've done."