Book 2 chapter 53

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"I know it sounds ridiculous and more but I thought that after all these years, I can trust him. That he wouldn't go around telling someone about something so painful behind my back like it is nothing. Because that betrayal hurts more than any beating could ever feel."

Roman doesn't say anything but with the little squeeze he gives me, let's me know that he understands.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive him?" He than asks me after a while.

"Honestly I'm not sure, Ro. If he takes responsibility for his actions, I might but I don't know. He was the first person who I completely trusted, but he was also the one who broke it. I still remember when I first came here and woke up from a memory. I started having a panic attack and when I got up to go to the kitchen to get some water so it would might help, my body sort of gave out on me. Eventually I lied there on the floor while scratching at my neck as my whole body shook with the glass splattered brokenly on the ground. And Allesandro was the one who found me because of the noise from the glass shattering. I remember him picking me up and carrying me into his bedroom where he helped me with the panic attack. He was the first person who I told about my panic attacks and nightmares. Who I shared awful memories with and he knew- he knows how painful they are and he just tells them to someone else. If he had come to me and had just asked me about it than I might have said yes or maybe even a no. But than it is still my decision- my life. I just-... why did he do that if he knows how painful it is" I say now crying.

Roman continues rubbing my back, "I'm sorry, my love. I don't know why he did that or why he broke your trust. But what I do know is that you are the one who's been hurt most by this all and yes he will need to take responsibility and apologize. And even after that you decide if you want to forgive him and if you want to trust him again." He tells me.

I just nod my head as he holds me for hours on end until we once more need to get ready to go to a restaurant for the weekly family dinners.

Roman and I just get dressed in the same outfit from yesterday since it isn't dirty nor does it smell.

My curls from yesterday are still pretty decent so I just touch up some parts before than eventually we leave to go to the restaurant.

I go in Xander's car with Roman, Blake and Xavier where I am the one who's sitting in the middle before we go on the road.

We are all silent for a while until Xavier decides to touch the music in Xander's car.

Xander slaps Xavier's hand away, "no" he tells him.

"I'm not a dog Xander, I can touch your car"

"But you can't"

"I can-" he starts while reaching out, "-see I am touching your car" Xavier says while putting on another song.

"Don't touch my music Xavier" Xander warns.

"Or what?" Xavier mocks his twin.

"Or I'll pull over and you'll be walking to the restaurant" he threatens.

"Okay, Okay fine." Xavier says putting his hands in the air as if he is being held at gun point.

I snicker at the conversation but don't get involved.

"I think I want another tattoo" I tell the others.

"What would it say?" Blake asks.

"I'm not sure, I think I want a semicolon tattoo behind my ear and a small butterfly on my wrist" I answer his question.

"Mhm, what do they mean?" Xavier now asks.

"The semicolon tattoo presents my surviving of my mental health and the butterfly is-..basically you can't hurt the butterfly because than you kill it, so if I hurt myself I'm hurting the butterfly and you sort of connect the butterfly with people you love. It's something a lot of people who struggle with self harm use to prevent it from happening again" I tell them.

It's quiet for a few seconds.

"I think you should get them" Roman starts.

"I agree" Xavier says.

"Same" Blake and Xavier say at the same time.

I give them a smile, "thank you guys."

Blake just reaches over my head and ruffles my hair a little as an answer.

"Blakeee-" I whine, "don't mess up my hair" I continue.

He just snickers before he pulls out his phone and does I don't even know what.

Probably texting Aline

We continue talking about other things and before I know it we arrive at the restaurant.

We all walk inside, me with my arms linked with Roman's and the others just trailing behind or before us.

When we step into the private room, we notice that the others are already here.

Everyone stands up and immediately walk to us to exchange some greetings.

When I see grandpa, I quickly run up to him.

He takes me in his arms while I wrap mine around his neck.

"My little dove, I missed you" he mutters in my hair.

"I missed you too, grandpa" I say hugging him tighter

After a few seconds my grandma makes grandpa release me so she can hug me.

"But-" my grandpa tried to object.

"No, it's my turn or you'll sleep on the couch tonight" my grandma threatens

Hearing that grandpa immediately releases me before grandma takes me in her arms.

I hug her tight which she returns than when we both release each other, we start giving the others some hugs too.

My grandma quickly takes Roman in her arms.

"Roman, how are you? It's been so long since I last saw you, is Val treating you okay?" She bombards him with questions.

He chuckles a little before he starts to answer all her questions.

Soon we all sit down and continue talking with each other and order our food

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