I Can't Remember To Hate U

CHAPTER 15

When Lisa was around, she wouldn't let him have a drink because she said it interfered with his medicine.

But on the way home from work, Oren had stopped at the liquor store and bought bottles of amarone della valpolicella, barbaresco, and barolo. He hadn't taken his medicine since Vivienne— his first wife's third year death anniversary, so maybe it wouldn't be bad for him to start drinking now. "I need to sleep, Vivi," he explained when he opened the first bottle. "It will help me to sleep."

It did help. He had fallen asleep sitting on the couch but then something happened. Oren couldn't tell whether he was dreaming or remembering about the night of the fire. He was standing in that clump of trees with the can of gas when a shadow came from the side of the house and suddenly disappeared. Vivienne.

It was so dark, and the branches of the trees kept moving and swaying. He had thought at first that was Vivienne's shadow... But now the shadow had become the figure of a man, and in his dream he sometimes thought he could even see a face. But it was just a dream, wasn't it?
At five o'clock, just as the first light of dawn was pushing past the shade, Oren got up. His body ached from having fallen asleep sitting on the couch, but even worse was the ache in his heart. He missed Vivienne. He wanted to say sorry— but she was gone. He went across the room and got his phone from his jacket. He sat down again, and stared at Lorelei's picture. When he was finished with everything, he would beg for her forgiveness even if she wanted him to die. He couldn't understand how he had come to love a woman from just a picture but he had.

Then suddenly he flashed on last night. The face he had seen at the house in the woods. Had he seen it or dreamed it?
He lay down and tried to fall asleep again, but he couldn't. The guilt in his heart was getting bigger, and it hurt a lot. He couldn't go to the police to turn himself in because he barely even remembered what actually happened. The news had reported that an arrest had been made which means he was cleared as the prime suspect. The trial didn't last long since the guy admitted to setting the house on fire, which ended up killing Vivienne.

A sentence of five years was given to him and the case was closed. For Oren it wasn't. He had killed Vivienne with his own hands and it destroyed him. He developed PTSD just a few months after Vivienne's death and he was put on medications. After a while it felt like he was getting better but the fear of losing Lorelei was slowly eating him alive.

It will be alright once she loves me.