Periodic System Journal

Arsenic - 28. March, 2022

Hello, my name is Arsenic. I'm the host of the system, so there's likely going to be primarily entries from me. I was also the one who got to name the system, if that wasn't obvious. There's a lot of things I'd like to write about because things are actually pretty chaotic as of now, but before I do I think a more proper introduction to the system is necessary.

First, our current head count is 18, possibly 19 but we're not 100%. We were diagnosed just a few months ago by our therapist, but we've already made miles of progress in that short timespan. Unfortunately, I can't say our therapist was significant for us making that progress, but I think that drama can be saved for later.

As of right now, our current objective is to find as many alters as possible and start working through their trauma. We're unsure whether we'd prefer healthy multiplicity or merging into as few identities as possible {or even one} as our end goal, though. I'd personally rather let things play out however they want to play and not try to force either option. Other alters want a more tangible, stable goal to work towards.

Now with that very generalized introduction out of the way, let's get into the drama, shall we?

I'm going to start off with something that happened two days ago and is still bothering me. I was texting on Instagram in a group chat with my IRL friend and a few Internet acquaintances that know my IRL friend pretty well. My friend said they were gonna start calling me Mr. Metal, and as a joke I pretended to be angry when I said that they couldn't call me that because I'm a metalloid. We laughed it off together, everything was great.

Then... somebody said something that I can't even remember what it was. I just remember it being a mildly agitating/triggering message I'd recover from in probably less than a minute, but I started to dissociate anyways. I felt incredibly numb, sad, and empty all at once, and then I was in headspace. I learned that another alter, Alchemist, was fronting in my place. I didn't pay much mind to it.

I don't know exactly how much time passed, but I know that while the sky had previously been light, it was now dark. I was laying in my bed feeling incredibly tired, and in my half lucid state I wondered if it was REALLY me who was fronting. To solve the debate, I said to myself in my head, "I'm Arsenic." It only somewhat felt correct, so I said it again a few more times to get the same result. I concluded another alter must be co-conscious, so I asked who else was there with me.

There was no response.

I asked again, and again, and again, each time reminding myself to be nice. There was still no sign of this unidentified alter other than these 'foreign' feelings, so I told the unknown alter they could chill if they wanted to, but I was also up to chat. No response.

My tiredness eventually made me pass out, and when I woke up I was still incredibly tired. I checked the time on my phone to see that it was nearly 2:30 AM, so I just went back to bed. The next morning I pretended as if nothing had ever happened, but it clearly had.

Today, I had another run-in with this unidentified alter.

It was during lunchtime at school, just before I have my anatomy class. I started feeling very dissociated, and next thing I knew I was in headspace while one of the littles and this unidentified alter started rapidly switching. All I could do was watch it extend all the way throughout the entirety of anatomy class. I didn't know anatomy class was in session or how much time had passed, but it was still stressful because they were both clearly scared and didn't seem to know what was going on.

By the time I started fronting again, the body's knee hurt REALLY bad and anatomy was almost over. I was very disoriented and it took me a couple minutes to realize it was still Monday, I'd just totally missed about an hour of time during school.

I really hope I can figure out what's going on with this unidentified alter because it's causing quite a few problems...