This entry is actually all about something that happened yesterday afternoon after I wrote that entry in the morning.
I was with my sister at the train station, and while we were waiting for our train to show up, we saw a weirdo. They were twitching like crazy, and it took me a few seconds to realize they were probably high as fuck on something. At that exact moment I made eye contact with them, so I broke it quickly because I remembered my sister telling me to NEVER EVER make eye contact with weirdos {because they'll use it as a gateway to interact with you}.
We got onto the train, and I sat as close as I could to my sister because that guy kinda freaked me out. Of course, that weirdo decided to sit right next to me. A minute or so after the train started up, this bitch started feeling my thigh like he owned the damn place. No thank you!
My sister and I quickly moved to new seats, this time specifically seats made for two. The guy didn't follow us, but my sister told me to record on my phone just in case he bothered us when we got off the train. She also got her pepper spray ready and said she was gonna pepper spray him if he came anywhere near us again. She went on a huge rant about how creepy he was and how much she hated him, and I honestly needed to see that protectiveness in that moment so it made me feel a lot safer.
When we got off the train we walked really fast and kept looking behind us to see if the guy was getting off the train with us or following us, but luckily he didn't get off with us. We went home and I took a shower because only god knows what kind of STDs were on him. Honestly thinking about bleaching my clothes when I do my laundry because that was sketch AF. I don't care if my clothes are all black, I want those germs gone.
The kicker to all of that chaos?
I was {obviously} very upset about the entire thing, so I asked one of my friends I've known for years if I could vent to them. They said sure, so I told them about what happened. Their response? Not even related to what I just said! They just randomly started talking about how they got some new thing! I was really mad and deleted all of my messages, and I ghosted them for a while before just giving them one word responses. I'm still trying to decide how I want to formally address what just happened.
And who ended up having to hear me vent about what happened? Trick. At this point, I feel like he's the only friend I have left who doesn't literally fucking ignore me when I need to talk about something serious. Either that or they're friends I wouldn't trust with that kind of heavy stuff {aka the friends who were trash talking Trick a while back}.
My priorities right now?
1. Get some new friends because a lot of them seem like shallow friends who wouldn't go that far to help me {not necessarily bad people to have in your life, but when it's basically every friend except for one it's depressing}
2. #Cope with what happened {I'm blaming myself for it all because I made eye contact, so I'm clearly making mountains of progress with that already! /sarc}
3. Try to help alters that are most freaked out by what happened {most likely littles and trauma holders}
By the way, if you're wondering why I'm not just venting to my sister... the answer is complicated. I think the best way to describe it is that while she's a great listener and clearly willing to fight for me {literally and metaphorically}, talking and responding isn't her strong suite. Sometimes I just need people to listen, but this was a situation where I kind of needed affirmations that I was safe.
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Periodic System Journal
Non-FictionThis is a journal for all members of the DID system known as the Periodic System to write in and publicly share their thoughts.
