It's definitely another alter making me feel this way. As stupid as it sounds, my dream last night basically confirmed it.
I have a LOT of dreams about Toontown. Like, basically at least 5 times a week I have Toontown dreams {granted I usually remember 2-4 dreams per night}. Well, in these dreams, it's very common for my sister and/or Trick to show up in them. Last night it was both of them, but Trick's presence was the important part.
We were doing a CEO, and he greened me! Then he laughed his ass off about it and made fun of the fact I'd have to get 0 to go on all my level 7s and that he was able to hack just to get me to go sad in like 2 turns. I unfriended him, went in offline mode, got my gags and laff back, then rage quit. I blocked him on Discord and then I woke up.
My Toontown dreams... do NOT get that fucked up. It's usually me dreaming about doing boss fights {CFO and CEO seem to be the most common} and something funny happening or the TTR team adding new content. I never dream about getting greened or dying {I've dreamed about ALMOST going sad when a new boss was introduced in my dream, but even then I literally ran away with 4 laff and I wasn't greened}.
The conclusion? It's another alter who was having that dream or influencing it. What does that mean? Well, it means I get to go find out who's making me feel this way so I can try to live a normal life. Starving myself and closing my friends' DMs because I don't trust them isn't even close to a sustainable way of life. I was so depressed that it took over a week before I convinced myself to shower, and even then I only did it because the stench of my own BO was getting unbearable. Now whenever people talk to me IRL, all I can do is stare blankly at them because I don't really have the motivation to respond. I feel like a zombie going through the motions of life and just barely pretending I don't want to kill myself.
I made a new group of friends yesterday, and whoever's making me feel this way keeps saying I can't let them know about our DID otherwise they'll hate us. So now, I'm thinking it's an alter that either just realized the secret's out or a new alter whose job is to keep the fact we have DID to ourselves. Either way, I can't really act until I find this alter and start talking to them.
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Periodic System Journal
Non-FictionThis is a journal for all members of the DID system known as the Periodic System to write in and publicly share their thoughts.
