Periodic System Journal

Arsenic - 1. June, 2022

Last night was MISERABLE. It was because of the new persecutor who's been making me think all my friends hate me. They struck again last night, but way worse than they ever have before.

I was playing Toontown with Trick, and I randomly started feeling like he hated me again, so I knew Blake {the persecutor} was nearby. I kind of mentioned it to Trick, and the way he responded seemed both understanding and upset. Blake didn't like the upset part and decided to start fronting for his first time.

He basically told Trick to fuck off and never talk to me ever again, complete with threats and very aggressive messages. Then he logged me out of both of my Toontown accounts and tried to keep me isolated from all of my friends.

When I fronted again, Trick had gone to bed. I deleted all of Blake's messages and apologized to him and tried to explain what happened, but only time will tell if chooses to accept that apology or not.

In headspace, I talked to Blake because that behavior was uncool and not acceptable. I asked him why he did that, and he said it's because he didn't trust Trick. I asked him why, and he said that Trick was incredibly suspicious. I asked him how so and to cite actual incidents, and Blake said, "That's the suspicious part- there's zero times he's done something questionable. He's too perfect to be genuine. He's obviously trying to gain your trust so he can hurt you later."

I knew there was no way to objectively prove or disprove that claim because it's impossible to really know why somebody is doing anything they do. So instead, I told Blake there was no way Trick would be able to hurt me without me basically agreeing to it {unless he knows how to hack} because of the fact he's only an Internet friend. Otherwise, the worst he could do is break off the friendship {which although it would hurt for a while, it wouldn't leave me scarred for life}. If he tried to do something like get money or similar exploits, I'd have to be stupid enough to agree to it.

Blake seemed to be thinking, so I offered a deal. I said if Trick asks for anything like that, unless he can objectively prove beyond a reasonable doubt it's not a scam/exploit/malicious behavior/etc., Blake gets full reign to interrogate him and choose what to do about him- as long as it doesn't involve making threats and being excessively aggressive {but some aggression in that scenario would be okay}. He said he'd think about it, and that's the last I heard from him.

In the meantime, I've been too busy to really have much time to think about what just happened. Tonight I'm moving away from my dad, and yesterday I was packing my things for a while and doing lots of chores around the house so my dad would have a 'clean slate' to start from when I'm gone. I'm actually genuinely worried he won't be able to take care of the house by himself since he's disabled. Even though I hate his guts, I still find myself worrying about him. Funny.

Anyways, today was also my last day of school. I've officially graduated high school now, and I'll be getting my diploma mailed to me since I don't wanna go to the ceremony {not to mention I'll be a 3 hour drive away}. It feels weird to know there's no longer any rules I have to follow, not even to go to school. I get to move away because I choose to do it and not because my parents did. I get to apply for a job because I'm choosing to do it and not because my parents are making me do it. This moment of realization my sister promised me I'd have for years and years actually came, and it's definitely just as worth it as she said it'd be.

...Welp, I can't wait to fill out an I-9 and a W-4 as soon as I start working.

Boring adulting stuff aside, I'm excited to move out. It's kinda weird knowing I'm down to less than 3 hours before I leave this city and won't come back for at least a very long time. It's also weird knowing that I'm never going to high school ever again and that I'll be off to college in a few month's time. I feel just like I did when I was a little kid. I thought reaching the end of high school was impossible and that I'd die before I graduated because it felt so far away, so surely an accidental death was more likely to occur in that time? Now I feel that same way about going to college, but this time instead of that feeling scaring me, it just gives me odd nostalgia.