Periodic System Journal

Arsenic - 20. May, 2022

Wow, six days since my last entry. I didn't even realize that much time passed, to be honest. Maybe I'm losing my sense of time that badly. Everything kind of blurs together at this point.

Well, anyways, I guess I'll share what's been happening lately.

Possibly the biggest thing that happened was we got another trauma holder. They hold the memories and feelings of anorexia because I was starting to have a LOT of problems with eating. Actually, I'm going to admit right now that I purposefully haven't eaten in almost 12 hours, and before that it was around 24 hours. I'm starving, but I just... can't bring myself to eat.

It didn't start out as inherently anorexia nervosa, but the new trauma holder definitely feels that way. It actually started out because I started becoming paranoid that the foods I was eating weren't good for my teeth or my body, so I apparently decided the most logical decision was to stop eating because that's supposed to be healthier? It makes no sense, but irrational feelings don't need to be logical. All I know is that now, I have sensory issues with almost anything I eat and I start feeling really uncomfortable and wanting to cry.

I literally ate a fucking cheese and turkey sandwich for lunch and that made me have a mental breakdown. I couldn't stop thinking about how each ingredient was probably too processed and artificially 'flavored' to actually be that nutritious, and it made me hate eating it so much. I only choked it down because I knew the reason I was particularly dizzy and unsteady was because I was too hungry, and that was worse than eating food that's unhealthy.

Gotta love it...

There's another thing that happened recently. I won't name names, but one of my friends was clearly upset about something yesterday. The worst part? They wouldn't tell me what it was and kept insisting they were fine. I left them alone because I didn't wanna piss them off or make them feel like I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong, but knowing they were upset and I couldn't do shit about it was awful. They're acting fine now, but I still feel like they're so fragile now and I just wanna give them a hug or something. It makes me think I'm probably just being paranoid and should let it go, but I can't because I'm so worried about them.

I already know if I tried to bring it up now, they'd just brush it off and make jokes about it or say there was nothing wrong in the first place. I know it's OBVIOUS they want me to leave it alone and not talk about it, but I feel like I'm being a shitty friend to not at least address it. I guess we just have different ways to get over being upset, and those styles are clashing now. I tend to like to talk and vent but I guess they like to be left alone. I'm gonna keep trying my best to STFU about it to them because that's what they clearly want me to do, though.

The last major thing I can think of that happened lately was that we did another dissection in anatomy. That meant Sammy was fronting again, and he seemed to have a LOT of fun playing with a sheep's eyeball. He also found out he likes to make our teacher think he's not following the instructions when he actually is, so that's just great. It made the following dialogue exchange occur:
"This is a choose your own adventure dissection now."
"There ARE instructions, Arsenic." {My teacher doesn't know about Sammy.}
"I know!" {He said it cheerfully while following the instructions, but our teacher wasn't looking so she didn't realize he was doing it correctly.}

While I have to admit that cracked me up quite a bit, I just... Sammy, why? Why would you get us in trouble for doing something you're not even doing? Also, he played with sheep eye guts so that's great. He literally said he wanted to keep part of the eye as a "souvenir" but didn't because it'd obviously rot and smell like death. I honestly don't know if I hate the strong stench of bleach or death worse after today, but Sammy said those smells feel welcoming to him. Man is insane.

Okay, that's all the important stuff that's happened lately. Everything below is just funny Toontown stories because I need to dump them somewhere.

1. I was playing on my alt toon, so there was no way Trick could use his usual method of tracking me via the friends list cuz he wasn't friends with my alt. I made the mistake of telling my sister's Discord server I was in Minnie's Melodyland after going sad trying to help other nooby toons with a four story building, and Trick IMMEDIATELY took this opportunity to find my alt. He literally put an alt in every single district so he'd find my alt toon. The worst part? If I'd teleported away as soon as I'd bought gags, I would've been able to get away because he wasn't looking at the instance of my district initially. He only found me because I'd stayed to go fishing since I didn't know Trick was basically stalking me. I knew he was online, but I figured he was too busy to chase down my alt or that he wouldn't try because he didn't know my district. I was wrong.

2. My sister and I got stream sniped by a random person last night. They spammed the, "You stink!" SpeedChat phrase to us and kept following us around, which we thought was pretty funny. We friended them and they went SOS shopping with us... and they started the "You stink!" cult. We all huddled around really close and spammed that SpeedChat phrase. That person even got on a bunch of alts just to spam with multiple toons. They also joined my sister's Discord server just to say, "You stink!"

3. I kicked Trick's ass in connect four. I honestly don't know how I did that because I play with like 10% strategy and 90% chaos, but I somehow managed to accidentally set a trap that guaranteed me to win. We played best 2 out of 3, and I ended up winning the last 2 games. Trick won the first game because I wasn't paying attention and accidentally literally handed him that victory. Oh well, it was still fun and we got to make fun of my sister too because she was just starting her stream and having MAJOR issues with it.

4. Speaking of those stream issues, Trick used that to pull a prank on her. All of her usual alerts weren't working, so he basically spam donated to her and then challenged her to figure out what he did. He also told me that he donated to her, so I got to laugh at her peril with him. I was the obvious weak link though so she tried to get me to tell her what he did, but I kept my mouth shut. It wasn't until a few hours later when she finally figured it out, and Trick basically had to spell it out to her. I jokingly called him a simp for my sister in DMs afterwards.

5. My sister and I had the most infuriating field office. We were doing a 3 star field office with our friend Relentless and a random person. This person said it was their first field office, and I immediately wanted to alt f4 on them because noobs usually argue with you when you try to tell them the meta and get everybody killed/almost killed because they thought they knew better. Normally I'm down to deal with those pain in the ass people and gently explain things to them, but a 3 star field office was NOT the place for that because you sometimes get literally 3 seconds to react. Relentless talked me into staying though, and they were fine at first.

But then they started to argue and almost got us killed because they'd let more cogs join the fight because they decided to argue instead of attack, and we didn't have lure so we took LOTS of damage we shouldn't have taken. At The Boiler fight, I guess they decided to give us hella attitude because they stopped doing ANYTHING. No attacking, no passing, no talking... radio silence. We thought they'd maybe gone AFK for a couple turns, but they announced their presence when I used a Flippy SOS card. We were pissed after that, and because them not at least passing was making cogs join the fight and getting us almost killed, we were LIVID with them.

We decided they were trying to green us {we don't care why}, and Relentless talked us into greening THEM. I felt like shit doing it, but we used pixie dust on each other until that person died. Then we 3 manned the rest of the field office and had no troubles. Even though the rest of the fight was like 1000% easier without that person, I can't help but feel guilty for greening them. I'm extremely anti greening, so the fact I stooped that low for even a single instance makes me feel terrible. I don't care if Relentless talked me into it or if Trick agreed it was the right thing to do because I feel like shit. I know I've wished greening upon extreme pain in the ass people before, but I've never deliberately gone out of my way to actually green them. I'd just kinda... ignore their laff meter and didn't care if they happened to die. That was me deliberately not healing them until they died, though.

Okay... that's all the Toontown stories I wanna share right now.