Periodic System Journal

Arsenic - 25. May, 2022

Update on the friends possibly hating me thing, I guess.

I asked Trick upfront if he thought I was annoying or a burden or anything like that because I figured he'd give me an upfront answer. He told me I'm not annoying to him and asked me why I'd think that, which he then followed up by asking me what was wrong. I didn't really wanna tell him, so I dodged around answering and he ended up changing the topic. We talked until I couldn't really keep my eyes open anymore because it was nearly 4 AM.

At first, I had no problem believing him when he said I don't annoy him. After all, I've always seen him as a pretty blunt person. Even when he's joking around, he doesn't beat around the bush. That's why I was genuinely comfortable having a conversation with him like nothing had happened once he said so.

But now...?

I dunno, I don't have any real reason to think he actually considers me annoying. I guess my validation expired or something because I'm right back to square one where I think everybody {including Trick} hates me. Well, it's good to know that even if I were to ask and they said no, I'm apparently still gonna assume I'm hated.

I'm less convinced it's another alter at play and more convinced it's just me being depressed. It'd explain a lot of the other issues I've been having, including me only eating if I'm getting sick from starvation and me also wanting to hurt myself lately. Well, it could also be a depressed alter pushing those feelings onto me. Hooray, I'm not gonna know which one it is!

Guess I'll be playing Toontown in offline mode and keeping Discord open in offline mode while I try to figure out what the hell's happening right now.