Periodic System Journal

Arsenic - 7. September, 2022

WARNING: This entry consists almost entirely of discussions of 18+ material. While not "technically" explicit, I STRONGLY believe those under the age of 18 shouldn't engage with this entry.

For those still here, I'll proceed.

A lot has happened recently... and the system definitely has a lot of differing opinions about it. A LOT of differing opinions.

It started when I started dating Trick. Some system members already didn't really approve because they figured my stalker-ness was just something incredibly toxic waiting to happen {ex. if we have an argument they're worried I'll try to guilt trip him out of it instead of being an adult about it}. I told them that if I start acting stupid, they have full rights to start fronting in my place and do whatever they want as long as it's not making the situation worse.

Some of them were also worried about things like a breakup happening and other 'what if' scenarios. I couldn't realistically go through every single one of their 'what ifs,' so I tried to be a bit more 'blanket statement' about things and told them they were allowed to intervene if they felt like it was necessary.

But then... even more controversy started in the system when things got sexual.

A lot of protectors got {very understandably} worried about littles and trauma holders finding out and getting triggered. My solution? To just tell everyone... sort of. Obviously in front of the littles I'm not gonna start going into all the details because kids don't need to know that much about sex, but I do strongly believe kids shouldn't be kept 100% in the dark. If it's relevant or they ask about it, you give an explanation they can understand...

So, I told the littles that I was gonna be doing grown-up things with Trick that would probably upset them if they saw, so they shouldn't engage with it if they accidentally see something or hear words like 'sex' being mentioned. They asked me why I'd do something that would upset them, and I explained that because they're kids and because of our trauma being about an adult trying to make us participate in these sorts of activities as a kid, it would make them really uncomfortable. Then I told them that for an adult like me with another adult I trust deeply, it was fun because it was for adults only.

They asked me how come adults find it fun if it's so scary to kids and why kids find it scary if it's so fun for adults. I didn't really have the best answer, but I tried my best to explain that it was related to emotions that kids can't really feel, so when someone tries to do that kind of stuff to a kid it just scares them because they don't know what's going on. I explained stuff like getting undressed and your private parts are involved and that kids can't say that's okay to do to them. I'm not sure if I fully conveyed what I wanted to, but they seemed to agree that things like that would be really scary for them.

I also told them if anyone ever tried to do that kinda stuff to them while they were fronting, even if it was Trick, that they need to get an adult alter to take care of the situation immediately and not say anything to the other person. I also told them in particular that if it was Trick, he was probably looking for me and wouldn't know it wasn't me he was talking to.

As for trauma holders, well... a lot of them are littles, and even those that aren't are still obviously not the most eager to talk about 18+ topics. I kept it brief and blunt for them because I figured sugarcoating it for them wasn't the greatest approach, but I also wasn't explicit because I was talking to an audience that included children and traumatized individuals. I basically told them that if something triggers them {like if they accidentally saw something they didn't want to}, they need to speak up about it immediately and get whatever was happening to STOP.

Then came the rest of the system, which was just other adults who don't carry any trauma. For them, I didn't worry too much about upsetting them, so I bluntly told them I was gonna engage sexually with Trick and asked if there were any objections. There were... a lot of objections. So, we all talked each and every one through. By the end of the discussion, I actually felt a lot more confident about what I was doing because I knew everyone in the system was aware that ANYONE could revoke consent at any time and that it was everyone's responsibility to make sure nobody got upset, including mine.

As for outside the system, there's a LOT of communication about consent and boundaries both ways. I think I'd probably outright break up with Trick if that wasn't the case, honestly.

And that's how I became the most controversial member of the system and had to resolve it! Not only because we all need to cooperate, but also because I really, really didn't wanna upset any trauma holders or littles. Their safety and comfort is more important than anything else, and I want to make sure they know they're listened to.