Periodic System Journal

Arsenic - 9. August, 2022

Haha... it totally hasn't been over a month since I posted anything here. I was gonna write something on the 1st of July and got like 400 words into my draft {which I've now entirely deleted for being irrelevant because it was all drama that was current for the time}, but then said I'd finish it later. Yeah, later never happened.

So what have I been doing for this whopping month {plus} of time?

Stalking my best friend Trick. Yeah, that's really about it. Since he doesn't seem to give a shit about me very obnoxiously being obsessive and doesn't really care about the fact I stalk him, I've decided there's no point in trying to make my feelings go away. As a result, I've just been indulging myself as I see fit. I originally proceeded to write a VERY long multi paragraph rant detailing these obsessive behaviors, but I figured since it's not related to my DID that I shouldn't include it {plus I already have a space for sharing those kinds of thoughts}.

So, onto my DID related troubles.

Demonica and, ironically, alter Trick have been giving me the most trouble as of lately. Demonica's been giving me lots of trouble because she's been REALLY demonizing herself, which in turn has resulted in her acting out in increasingly worse ways. I don't know why she's been demonizing herself so much, and she won't tell me what's wrong. When I tried to investigate, she warned me I'd be better off not knowing. There's hardly anything she'd make that statement for, so I immediately took her seriously and stopped prodding. I handed the situation over to Tanya and CFO.

Alter Trick split off a new alter that I still can't identify other than the fact they're a toon and seem to be so family friendly and into "cartoonish fun" that it looks fake.

Trick accidentally triggered my trauma memories by making a sexual joke, and I felt really bad because we started rapidly switching to the point we were essentially non-conversational. He apologized for triggering me and things calmed down, though.

There was more I was gonna write, but it's 4:45 AM and I'd like to spend this time obsessing over Trick because he's usually online at this time. I don't trust I'd be able to come back and finish this later, so I'm ending it here. Hopefully I'll remember to post more later!