While I still consider this entry an important update, there's basically nothing related to DID in it!!
I've never felt more busy and yet unproductive in my life ever. I'm still jobless because the places I applied for haven't responded, so I've been in my sister's apartment all day, every day. I usually clean the place up quite a bit on a daily basis because my sister manages to trash it in just the time she's home and awake. I don't even know how she manages to do it because all she does is sit on her computer until she's tired and sleeps. How does she manage to get so much garbage everywhere?! I know it's not me because I throw my stuff away, and the garbage is all from stuff I don't use/consume.
Well, on the bright side, all that cleaning made me realize what my own cleanliness standards are as well as my expectations for roommates. Apparently I need the floors fucking SPOTLESS and zero garbage anywhere, but dirty dishes in the sink aren't really something I care enough about to fix myself. Cluttered surfaces don't really seem to bother me as long as there's room for what needs to go there {and nothing that doesn't belong is in the clutter}. So basically... messy but relatively free of germs {except for the sink because I refuse to wash other peoples' dishes}.
Okay, enough of me talking about cleaning the apartment.
What else have I been up to lately? Well... I've been doing a lot of multitasking. A LOT of it. It just started in Toontown with me multi tooning, but now multitasking is becoming more and more ingrained into my mind. It's getting to the point where if I'm NOT multitasking and there's only one thing for me to focus on, I start getting bored of that one thing because it's too easy to give enough attention to it. I can't play Toontown without multi tooning or else it's boring, I can't watch YouTube videos without doing something else or else it's boring... my entire lifestyle changed because of Toontown.
How crazy has my multitasking got? I'll share two instances of just TODAY.
First instance, I was:
-Eating cereal
-Controlling two toons
-Talking to 2 people in Toontown, one via whispering and one in chat
-Talking to 2 people in Discord DMs
-Initiating conversation with a third person in Discord DMs, but they didn't respond until after I was done eating
Second instance:
-Controlling two toons
-Participating in my sister's livestream
-Talking to my sister
-Talking to my sister and I's friend
-Learning how to use Twitch's moderator panel {for reference my account is only a few days old and I've only got on Twitch like twice in my life}
->I had to do this ASAP because there was a troll in chat and none of her other moderators were online
Maybe my multitasking is starting to get a little out of hand, but somehow I haven't made any major mistakes yet... except for that one Toontown VP I won't talk about. Even though humans by nature and hardwiring suck absolute dogshit at multitasking {it's actually just swapping tasks really fast and is scientifically proven to usually be slower than just doing the activities one at a time}, I'd say I'm actually getting better than most people at it. Does that mean I'm any good? Hell no, nobody is actually good at it. We physically can't be good at multitasking.
Okay, I have two more things to share.
Guess who needs glasses? Yeah, me. Literally 2 weeks ago my vision was fucking perfect, but now I'm squinting to read stuff and things look blurry to me. I actually had to change a lot of my font sizes to be larger on my apps just so I wasn't constantly straining and struggling just to read messages or something. Also saves me leaning forward and moving closer so I can try to fucking READ it. From my sister's experience with getting glasses I know the process is really tedious and if it's not covered by insurance costs a LOT, so I probably won't actually be getting glasses any time soon. Maybe if I'm lucky, when I go to college I might be able to set something up there if there's a clinic on campus. Otherwise it's gonna probably be a few years. Hopefully that doesn't fuck with the fact I wanna be a chemist!!
And the last thing?
I think I figured out why I'm so depressed and miserable lately and I didn't know why. I think it's a bunch of bottled up emotions that I keep telling myself not to show because they're not socially appropriate/acceptable. Even then, they've been spilling out in their own ways. What am I gonna do about it? Find healthy ways for me to express them. I know if I'm having bottled emotions starting to spill out, it's not much longer before I have a sporadic mental breakdown of some kind. I don't want that to happen, so it's time for me to constructively let it out. I have absolutely no idea how I'm actually gonna achieve that, so I'll probably ask my friends for ideas.
Okay, it's 4:56 AM and I'm sick and throwing up so I need my rest. Time for me to sleep!
YOU ARE READING
Periodic System Journal
Non-FictionThis is a journal for all members of the DID system known as the Periodic System to write in and publicly share their thoughts.
