28- FEELINGS

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Joker was awake, earlier than usual and walking around the table. He stared aimlessly down at his bare feet, his hand tracing alongside the table, he could feel the coolness of through his fingertips, the coolness bough some solace he desperately needed. Occasionally he would stop and put both hand on the table and sigh, his mind was in turmoil. Today's dilemma cantered around Batman; it had been so for many days now.

"Believe it or not, I get excited every time I see you." Bruce had complimented a few nights ago, his tone was comical and teasing almost. He grinned happily at his male counterpart, playfully punching the Joker on the arm. Joker remembered blushing madly, and looking away, too embarrassed to face Batman. He instead held where the Dark Knight had softly struck him, his hand lingered on his own arm, feeling, and imagining the action that had quickly disappeared in the blink of an eye. Batman's touch left static through his body, a craving and yearning. Like a naïve little schoolgirl Joker had been gushing over the comment as usually did, so quickly to lap up the affection Batman threw at him, Joker would become a hot mess just to one little touch and comment. It would stay in the back of his mind for weeks, until he could no longer stand the intoxicating feeling or was replaced with another.

What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? He questioned his thoughts that were continuously about one person. All his waking moments were filled with Batman sometimes the Dark Knight even followed him to his dreams. His mind had twisted his sense of reality and made and glamorised everything about the hero. Joker couldn't pinpoint why however.

I'm shy around him! He looks at me and I can't even look in his eyes! He says one little compliment and I go crazy! Joker began to pace quicker now, his mind was racing, along with his heart. The usual confident clown was now a big mass of hormones and tension.

How could I let myself become something so pathetic? Something so stupid? The Joker felt guilty for feeling such emotions, disgusted at the fact he could consider or even think that Batman was funny, charming, or handsome. The Joker wanted to gag but simultaneously he found himself unable to remove such thoughts.

Why me? He sighed disappointedly; he couldn't believe he had allowed himself to slip like this. Joker was no idiot; he knew what these feelings were and how dangerous they could be. What they could lead to was more dangerous. There is now way I can feel this!

God, I hate my life. Joker exhaled slowly. How had it come to this?

Across the other side of Wayne manor high above the bat cave Batman faced his own dilemma

**********

Bruce looked at the broken scanner that lay on the floor, it was dismantled and shattered, pieces scattered across the room. Bruce cringed inwardly, remembering his little fit of rage he had experienced after the scanner had told him for the one hundredth time that Scarecrow's toxin could not be reversed. He'd thrown it on the ground in an attempt to quell his rage. But now that he was calm he felt no better than he did before.

I'm an idiot. Bruce sighed, still examining the scanner, the only thing that I had which could have helped the Joker, I broke and ruined. I'm a big idiot!

Bruce put his face in his hands, and exhaled loudly, the tension pent up from last night slowly left his body but the disappointment of failure lingered in his system and ate at him slowly. Bruce couldn't believe the experiment had failed, such crafted and advanced science had failed! It wasn't the science however that upset Bruce much, however. No, no, no. In fact, disappointment wasn't what killed him the most, it was telling Joker about his failure and the shame that came with it. The shame that came with looking into his big brown eyes and seeing the cute smile disappear from his face.

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