With or Without

3. Pok

I had become a very good stalker. I don't even know how I found the time. But it was a lot easier when I found Tong's schedule in a drawer in our apartment. He had multiple copies so I knew he wouldn't miss this one.

It was easy to anticipate his movements when I knew where he would be rather than guessing at it. Knowing he was actively trying to avoid me and the other guys, I also mapped out the places he could go without accidentally bumping into us. It wasn't easy.

The Faculties of Science and Medicine shared so many resources. We had one library, all the labs were shared spaces and a number of lecturer halls were used by whichever class had it on the schedule rather than strictly for one faculty or another. It took some doing for Tong to successfully keep from meeting me in the halls.

That's when I realized he simply stayed where he knew I wouldn't be. He hang out in the library a lot more than was necessary. He spent his free time in his apartment instead of hanging out at all the social spots. The most annoying realization was how often he was with his seniors. No, not his seniors. With P'X. I hated that guy.

It was a mild irritation until a chance encounter on a Saturday afternoon. I had assumed Tong would be in his room sleeping off the week. Instead, I found him leaving the labs. I asked a few of the other students what they were doing.

"Make-up labs."

"Why?"

"One of the other students asked the lecturer if there was a way to make up for failed labs. The lecturer agreed. Anyone with a C can work for the extra credit and improve their grade."

"Do you know who it was? Who made the request?"

"Yeah...Tong." He conferred with his friends and they agreed that he'd got the name right. "That guy is a lifesaver."

That was one word for it. It seemed he couldn't help but interfere with other people as well. But it wasn't interference when it helped them, right? Was I was being unreasonable? Could I just forgive and forget? Just thinking about it made me angry all over again. He had taken the choice from me. He hadn't trusted me. He hadn't known me well enough to understand what I would never allow. That wasn't something I could just brush aside.

It's the only explanation for what I did. I walked into the same restaurant I had seen him go into. Ready for another confrontation. Instead, I found him sitting with that guy. I wanted to smash both their faces in. Okay, maybe not Tong. But I definitely wanted to give P'X a taste of my fist.

"So, this is where you've been hiding," I said, sitting down next to Tong and effectively squeezing him in between me and the guy on his left.

"Pok. What are you doing here?" Tong asked and I was disgustingly happy at the look of alarm on his face.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? Or don't you want me to know?"

"Pok..."

"Is this him?" I asked, doing nothing to mask the venom in my voice. I wanted to know if this was the guy Tong was replacing me with. I hated the look that passed between them. The silent understanding between them was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Then P'X did the unexpected and left. His parting shot was irrelevant, but I watched Tong's reaction and he was not happy.

Did the other man already mean so much to him?
How badly had I miscalculated the situation?

Tong stood up to leave as well but I grabbed his hand and detained him. I didn't know what to say so I made a big show of asking the server to pack the food Tong had barely touched. Tong didn't try to pull out of my hold and that was a relief. Until the server returned with a Styrofoam container.

I grabbed Tong's elbow and pulled him with me. The food in my other hand. I was surprised by his restraint. I would have expected him to tell me to go to hell ages ago. There was a taxi idling in front of the restaurant and I pulled Tong into it. The driver was about to protest when I handed him a 200 baht note.

"Where are you staying?" I asked, really hoping Tong would tell me.

He said nothing. His silence was the most effective barrier between us. He didn't have to do anything or say anything. He just had to stay silent and I couldn't fault him anything. But I was already spitting mad and I wasn't about to let him get one over on me.

"Fine. Don't tell me. It's not like I don't already know."

I gave the taxi driver the location. The minute it was out of my mouth, Tong pulled away. Sitting as far away as he could in the tight space of the back seat of that taxi. I didn't let him get far. Moving in close and keeping my body attached to his. He could not escape me. I wouldn't allow it.

The ride fast but it felt like an eternity. I was so afraid Tong would do something crazy like open the door and jump out of the moving car. But he was good enough to wait until we pulled up outside his building. I waited to see what he would do but he was just standing there.

"Would you like to lead the way or do you want me to?" I pulled him into the foyer of the apartment building.

I was not surprised to find it empty. The night guard wasn't very good at his job. When I thought of Tong trusting such a guy to keep him safe, it made me want to find him and give him a piece of my mind. But it was because of how lax he was that I had ever found out where Tong lived and how he was doing.

Tong tried to push me away. It's not like I was going to let him but it was interesting to watch him make the effort. In a way it was funny. He finally tried to do something when there was nothing else he could do. I was asking.

"You can't be here," Tong said and I was a little taken aback by the desperation in his voice.

"Why? Is this where you and he..."

Was he hiding something? Did he want to keep me out because there was someone already in his room? It was his right but I could not stand it. I couldn't tell him what to do. He was no longer mine. But I wanted to punch something...someone.

"What do you mean?"

Just hearing the question was enough to force me to take a breath. He wouldn't play with me like this. Not when he knew what was at stake. But I still needed the confirmation.

"Tong...you will get up there or I swear to god..."

"What?"

I didn't realize how much I'd missed the fire I saw in his eyes at that moment. He had no way to win against me but he was still daring me. I wouldn't disappoint him. There was another part of me that wanted to see how far I could push. What was I going to do...?