With or Without

15. Tong

I was going to end it. It didn't matter what the unspoken rules were. It was over and I was going to make it happen—I was going to make sure it stuck. Waiting for Pok to enforce his own rules was going to drive me insane. Waiting for him to choose me would be an eternity of disappointment.

The walk to his dorm was simultaneously familiar and strange. I had walked this way so many times but for the past few months, I hadn't even dared set foot in the area let alone the building that housed Pok's condo.

"Long time, no see." Galae came up to me and gave me a one-arm hug. "Are you here to see me or someone else?"

"I was coming by to say hi and apologize for keeping your speakers for so long. I'll get them back to you as soon as I can."

"No worries, man. With the amount of time we spent in the library with my study group, I didn't even miss it. But now that exams are over...we can have some fun. Are you drinking with us tonight?"

"Maybe...I'll let you know," I said when I spied Phai and Saab walking towards us.

"They tried to kill us...but we are stronger than that," Saab said flexing his bicep. Phai nodded in agreement.

"Are you done?" Phai asked me.

"Yeah...just finished my last paper."

"Pok has a paper this afternoon but he should be done by 4. Are you going to hang out with us?" Phai asked and I gave him the same answer I had Galae.

It had completely slipped my mind that we did not have the same examination schedule. The science majors had finished in the morning. We had our paper mid-morning. The last group, the sports science majors, had their paper in the afternoon. It was designed that way to make sure there were no overlaps but it meant I had come all this way for nothing.

I had no idea how the communication arts organized their exams but with Saab there, it was clear they were done as well. I wanted to know if Sandee and Klui would join us—I had mixed feeling about the former. I had no idea what to say to him and that was an indication that I hadn't figured out what to do about the mess I'd made. Either way, I would have to deal with the gang and I had no clue what to say to any of them.

I was saved from trying to think of anything when Saab put his hand around my shoulder and declared, "First round is on Tong. He's got some catching up to do."

"Looks like the other faculties are still stuck doing exams," Galae said with poorly faked concern.

That explained why the pub was empty. We had the run of the place and because I couldn't get out of it, I went to the bar and ordered a pitcher for the table. If that wasn't enough to get things started, I didn't know what was. I poured everyone a glass and we cheered to ourselves and, as Saab said, "Our remarkable ability to survive the torturous intent of our lecturers."

I still had every intention of seeing Pok later, so I sipped my drink slowly. Watching as the others challenged each other to games that were all about getting as much alcohol into their system as quickly as possible. I could understand the need. I wanted to forget the last few weeks just as much as they did. I wanted to be free—it wasn't from just the stress of studying too hard, for too long without a break.

"You guys look like you're having fun."

Pok sat down next to me after making the observation and I automatically moved away to give him room. He frowned at me but didn't comment before asking for a glass. Sandee also joined us and he sat next to Phai. The two of them were as thick as thieves and a part of me wondered if there was something going on between them.

I was just glad that nobody questioned his presence there. He didn't deserve to be ostracized for standing up for himself—not even when his methods had been so heavy-handed. He hadn't known how far things would go. He'd been suitably contrite when he found out Pok wasn't involved in my faux pas. Perhaps with time, they would go back to being the friends they had been before I ruined it for them.

"Aren't you drinking?" Pok asked me.

I lifted my glass, "Of course I am."

"You haven't taken a sip since I sat down."

Why was he watching me? He should have been paying attention to what everyone else was talking about. Although I wasn't sure they were making a lot of sense—the alcohol having that much more effect on them since they were tired and sleep-deprived.

"You should go," I whispered to Pok.

"Go where?"

"You shouldn't be hanging out with us when you could be with your...faen."

Another piece of information I didn't have. Was he seeing a guy or a girl? What we had didn't mean he had a strict preference but I couldn't imagine him with another guy. Looking around the table, there was nobody there I could see Pok turning to; not even if he didn't want to be with me.

"I think I can get away with a few drinks just this once," He whispered back and his breath tickled my ear raising goosebumps on my skin and making me shiver. I moved a little further away from him but he put an arm around my waist and pulled me back.

"Stop it. You'll give people the wrong impression," I whispered so as not to draw attention.

"And what impression would that be?" He asked like he really didn't know what I was talking about.

I couldn't tell him the only person likely to misunderstand what he was doing was me. I wanted him to pay attention to me but not when there was someone waiting for him. Not when he made it seem like we were more than...whatever we were. I drank to avoid giving him an answer. Joining in when the other guys cheered each other again.

"Slow down...I don't want you too drunk to drive." Pok said close to my ear.

Saab and Galae had started singing at some point and they were loud enough to drown out almost everything else. It was the only reason I could think of for Pok sitting so close. Why he had to lean in to speak directly into my ear. But I had no explanation for the smile on his face when I shivered or the possessive hold he had on my lower back when I tried to move out of his space.

"You know I don't have a car," I told him, trying to bring the conversation back to somewhere more stable.

He closed the space I had created between us. The side of his body pressed into mine. With Galae on my other side, I could only move so far. I was trapped. I didn't know how badly until he whispered, "Who said anything about a car?"