With or Without

5. Tong

He was on me again and this time he did push me against the wall. But it wasn't hard. He was holding me not hurting me. His head on my shoulder. His breath was hot and heavy. I couldn't touch him. If I did, I would lose it. I had to clench my hands at my side but even the pain of my fingernails clawing into my palms was not enough to override the desire to reach out and comfort him.

"You're mine."

"No, Pok."

"Yes...you are."

He lifted his head to kiss me but I turned away just in time.
So reminiscent of times before when it had been the only thing keeping me from falling completely into him. He wasn't having it. He didn't accept it the way he had before.

"You love me. You gave me that first kiss and you can't take it back."

"Yes, I can..."

Then he proved me wrong. Because, when his mouth found mine, I didn't do anything to stop him. I didn't turn. I didn't bite. I didn't fight him. I kissed him back.

We had never kissed like this.

His mouth fitting against mine. Our lips slanted against each other. The taste of him, sweeter than anything I had ever eaten. The way his tongue teased mine, taking my breath away. I could feel it in every fibre of my being. It curled my toes and stiffened my cock. I had to pull away to get a breath but he latched onto my neck. Kissing and sucking at the flesh. Leaving love bites that hurt for just a second before that too morphed into molten heat and want.

"Pok...please."

I didn't even know how I could speak. I wasn't sure it mattered. I wanted him to stop. To leave me alone once and for all. My body had other ideas. I was gripping him so tight; I was sure it hurt. Holding him close because I was afraid he would disappear and all this would turn out to be a dream. Pok wasn't complaining.

He just turned me and pushed me onto the mattress. I fell gracelessly. Not that it mattered. He was on me the minute I landed. Fusing our mouths together. Pressing his body into mine. Letting me know he was just as affected by this as I was.

"I want you..."

Fuck. No. I couldn't. I couldn't go back.

He was taking off my shirt. Sucking on my chest. Leaving marks there as well. Teasing my nipples. Caressing me in all the places he knew drove me crazy. I couldn't be this weak. I couldn't let him just take what he wanted. I just didn't know how to stop him. Pushing him away just made him more determined. He pulled off our clothes violently. Losing buttons in the process and not giving a damn.

"Where is your stuff?"

"I don't have any."

"What do you mean you don't have any...are you having unprotected sex?"

"I'm not having any..."

"Not even with your senior."

His grip was tight again and I finally recognized what was going on. He was jealous. This wasn't about me. This was about someone else getting to have me. The same way he'd obsessed with me kissing someone else, he was now worried that I was sleeping with someone else.

I was tempted to let him stew in his own juices. Let him think what he wanted. Maybe then he'd leave me alone. I wobbled. Instead of making a decision, I played dumb. I didn't repeat myself. I neither confirmed nor denied his accusation. And he saw it; the stubborn tilt of my head. I wanted him to know I still had a sense of myself. I was free to do whatever I wanted.

"Fuck you, Tong." He shouted.

I was ready for him to walk away. To take his clothes and get out. He spit in his hand. Coated his cock. Teased my entrance with sleek fingers.

"Pok...stop."

My hands were against his chest but he pushed them away and leaned forward. He was already between my legs and I couldn't pull them together. I tried again but he held both my thumbs in one of his hands, using his other hand to tease my entrance with fingers he'd coated in even more saliva.

I cried out when he breached me. Gasping at the harshness of his penetration. It was just a finger but it had been a while since we last had sex. Spit wasn't exactly a great lubricant and the extra friction made it feel every inch of his digit when he pressed it into me. Then he added a second and teased my gland, making me see stars.

"Please...ahhh fuck...we can't."

"If you can do this with other people..."

"You know it's not safe. Please..."

That was the wrong thing to say. Because he looked like he wanted to kill me. I wasn't sure if he thought I was implying he was diseased or that I might be. All I know is he let go of my hands and lined himself up with my entrance. I was scrambling to stop him but he pushed my legs wide and up of the mattress, giving himself the easiest access.

He didn't thrust. I'd expected that; the violence.

He pressed instead. Slow and steady and unrelenting. I keened at the feeling of him entering me. Of the familiarity of it. Yet this was all new. Different in a way that I didn't understand. My skin tingled with unresolved yearning. Confused by conflicting desires. Confounded by the inescapable need. He withdrew from me and plunged back in. Making us both cry out.

Again and when I could catch a breath, he did it again.

Then he dropped the hold on my legs and moved in so he could kiss me. So, he could hold me close to his body while his hips kept up that steady rhythm. Trapping my cock between our bodies. The engorgement engulfed in a space tight enough to mimic the hold of his knowing hands.

He lifted my head so he could devour my mouth. Laved and sucked while his cock steadily overwhelmed me. The friction so intense, there was no break from the constant stimuli to my prostate. I was shaking. I couldn't contain the steady moans of pleasure. The shame of it heating my face up.

I didn't want him to know how desperately I wanted him. How much I needed him. But I couldn't hold it in.