With or Without

16. Pok

"I'll get another pitcher," Tong said getting up abruptly.

It was a new variation to cover up the fact that he wasn't entirely in control of his body.

I was content to watch him walk to the mostly empty bar and make the order but he wasn't getting away from me that easily. I was up to the chase if he was going to play a little hard to get. I followed him to the counter, standing a little too close to him for it to be considered 'friendly'. I put my hand on his hip so that he had no way to avoid my presence.

"Could you take this to that table?" I asked the waiter when the bartender placed the pitcher in front of Tong. I grabbed Tong's hand, "You need to come with me."

I didn't add, all possible puns intended.

"What about the guys?"

"Forget about them. I don't think they'll notice if a bomb goes off five metres away from them," I said looking back at our group.

Phai and Sandee were holding each other up while Galae and Saab leaned against each other like the frame for a tepee. Maybe getting drunk five minutes after finishing our exams wasn't such a great idea. Then again, it was pocket-friendly. It had taken less than three pitchers to turn everyone into a blathering mess. The hangovers would be epic, assuming anybody bothered to wake up.

"Do you think they'll be okay if we leave them like that?" Tong asked.

"It's not their first time," I said smiling at their antics and resisting the urge to kiss Tong's cheek for his concern. "I'll tell them to get their asses home and check in on them tomorrow. Galae will take care of Saab and I know Sandee will take care of Phai."

The fact that he readily agreed with me made me smile. Perhaps he wasn't that concerned.
Turning to me he said in a voice far too serious for what I had in mind, "Can we talk?"

"Is that what you want to do?" My earlier desire rushed back like it had never left. Drawing me to Tong like a moth to a flame. "Because there are far better things to use our time on."

"What are you doing?"

"Do I need to draw you a diagram?" I said running my hand over his torso.

"This is a public place," he said trying to pull out of my hold.

"Right." I agreed even though I loved ruffling his feathers and his reactions never failed to satisfy.

We needed to take this back to my room.

I grabbed his bag and mine and pulled him out of the pub without asking. Something told me it was one of those questions I didn't want the answer to. We got to my dorm room in no time at all. My prediction of the pub's convenience proving truer than I previously thought. But once we were there, I faltered.

I had intended to bring Tong back to our space but a part of me had resisted it. Fearing that the memory of our last night together would undo all the good that had happened before or since. I was afraid Tong would be reminded of my stupidity instead of the times I had given him adequate reasons to believe in me.

I didn't want him to leave.

"You're done with your exams, right?"

"Yeah, I had my last paper earlier," he answered.

Maybe I wasn't listening. Maybe I was more interested in trying to recreate the reaction I'd got out of Tong at the pub. I was finally somewhere I could do something about it. Kissing his cheek. Taking his ear lobe into my mouth and sucking and then biting it. Listening to him moan my name.

"Tong...you don't have to leave early, right? You can stay?"

I almost added, if you want but I didn't want to give him the out. To cement my position, I continued my assault. Kissing his neck, taking his clothes off one by one so I had more access to his body. Not resisting the possessive urge to leave a mark on him.

"I missed you," I whispered against his skin. "I want you...."

I touched him in all the places I had been imagining. All the places I already knew so well and others that felt like new discoveries. I was surprised by how hard he was. He seemed so unaffected at times that I doubted myself and what we were doing. When I heard him moan or his breath catch before he released it in a sigh I knew better. His hands scrambling for purchase as he held on to me or any part of me he could reach.

"It looks like you missed me too." Failing to keep the smugness out of my voice.

"But I'm not the right one, am I?"

"What?"

"I mean, you have someone else. Someone you like. Isn't that what everyone has been telling me?"

"I didn't think you'd hear the rumours."

"P'X was very happy to let me know you'd found someone else." That made sense. It's not like he was part of my fan club. "He said, you finally saw the light and tossed me over. I just don't understand why you didn't tell me."

Watching the tears make a trail down his cheek was a shock. Why would this be a problem for him? Why would he care what someone else told him? Unless he believed him? Or was he disappointed that P'X knew he and I were a thing again? I tried to wipe his tears but he turned away from me.

"I'm sorry I have to go."

I wasn't about to let him. I wasn't about to let him run into the arms of someone else. Maybe I hadn't been clear or maybe I was delusional. Either way, he was mine. I was going to prove it to him.

I held his face even when he tried to turn away. I kissed him over and over until he stop fighting me...then until he responded. Until he was holding me back. Until he was kissing me back. This was familiar territory.

"Please let me go," He begged when I stopped long enough to look at him.

Why was he trying so hard to convince me of something he didn't even believe in himself? He had his hand on my chest but his grip was tight. He wasn't trying to convince me to let him leave, his eyes were closed tight against the possibility that I would. If I didn't understand that, I was a fucking idiot because denying what I felt had been my number one failing.

"I just want to go back to my room. I promise I won't cause any more trouble."

When had he been anything other than trouble? I may have signed up for it willingly; taking him up because we fit together. So what, if our puzzle was sometimes a little dysfunctional. He was who he was. I was who I was. Maybe it was time I made him understand that.

"That's it?" I goaded him. "You're not going to ask me who it is? You're not even going to try and fight for me?"

"Would it make a difference?"

"Maybe if you tried..." I started only to stop mid-sentence because something had finally clicked.

This wasn't about Tong convincing me he wanted me. It was about me showing him without a doubt that I wanted him. Maybe if I tried, I would finally get through to him. I could no longer bury my head in the sand. I couldn't just think about fixing things anymore. It was time to do something about it. If Tong didn't believe me it was my job to make it clear.

I stepped back and looked at him. Looked at him with the intention of asking for answers. Demanding to know where this was coming from. But I wasn't good with words. I had to use something else. Would he understand what I was trying to convey if I used my body? Not just taking pleasure but giving it with every part of me available to him.

I pulled at his fly until it gave. He tried to get leverage to push me away and I knew he had the strength for it—but he lacked the will. That was the only reason it was so easy for me to drop to my knees.

I pulled down his trousers and underwear. Leaving them in a pool around his feet. Eye-level with his erection, there was no doubt what I was about to do. Tong couldn't take his eyes off me. He had no idea this was just the beginning.