With or Without

8. Pok

I had a bad case of blue balls for most of the afternoon. It wasn't Tong's fault. I had to find a way to control myself around him. Everything about him was so arousing. I don't even think he knew just how much he affected me. But if I didn't get myself together, I'd tie him up and never let him out of my bed.

I was distracted for most of my afternoon class. I would have to borrow some notes to figure out what I had missed. But as soon as my last class let out, I headed straight to the laundry. I had asked them to put a rush on the laundry I'd brought in. It didn't matter that I had to pay extra. I just wanted to make sure Tong had a comfortable place to sleep tonight. Maybe then he would finally get the rest he needed.

I made my way to his apartment. I knew his last class let out after mine, so if I hurried, I would get there before him. I hoped he had no plans with his classmates (or his senior). I was relieved when I got to the apartment with a little time to spare. I made myself comfortable outside his door.

His neighbours came and went. There was a senior from the engineering faculty in 3D and another Medic in 3B. They both gave me head tips that I returned in kind, glad they didn't demand the full treatment I would give my seniors. Left alone again, I wondered if Tong ever talked to any of them. It wasn't like he was talking to any of his friends. I knew that was because of me. But I didn't want him to cut himself off. He still needed people. It just couldn't be P'X. Maybe it would be a better idea if I decided who he could be friends with. I was laughing at my own ridiculous thoughts when he exited from the elevator.

"Do you think you might need this?" I asked, hoping to catch his attention.

Tong started violently and I was tempted to reach for him and soothe him but he continued walking down the hall towards me. The suspicious look on his face did nothing for my hopes of spending a nice evening with him. Perhaps grabbing something to eat.

"What do you want?" Maybe he was mad at me. But I would remedy that quickly.

"What do I want? That's a loaded question." I teased stepping into his personal space like I had in the library. He stepped away from me, I followed. "I want you to open the door. I want to give you back your laundry. I want you to have dinner with me. Is that enough?"

"How did you get my laundry?"

"I took everything in the basket this morning on my way to class. I asked them to do a rush job."

He finally looked down where I had been resting and he must have recognized his laundry bag because he opened the door. I was going to tell him to go lie down but the bed was unmade. There wasn't anywhere else to sit so I took it upon myself to help him out. There wasn't much to do.

I carried the laundry bag to the closet and pulled out the hangers I had bought. It was easy to put the clothes away in the wardrobe since they were already pressed. I had also bought a pair of sheets with extra pillowcases. I pulled him up from the mattress so I could make the bed. Taking off the old sheets I threw them into the now-empty laundry basket then proceeded to make the bed. The freshly laundered duvet completing my work.

"I'm sure you can do the rest yourself," I said indicating the clothes still in his suitcase.

I would have preferred if he packed the entire lot back up and came back with me. I wanted to suggest it. But something held me back. I didn't want to do things in half measures. Inviting him back when I hadn't figured out how exactly I was going to deal with his betrayal. It was getting harder to remember why he's been so angry but denial wasn't a solution. I would deal with it. Just not today.

"Thanks. I'll get to it later." He dismissed.

"So, what do you want for dinner?"

"There's no need for that. I can just grab something from the convenience store later."

"You think I'm going to let you miss another meal after you nearly fainted yesterday?"

"I didn't faint." He sounded so affronted.

"I said nearly." Holding back my laugh but not being able to keep back my smile.

"That doesn't matter. I'm fine. Thanks for doing my laundry. I'll pay you back as soon as I can...just give me a couple of days." This time he was dismissing me.

"I didn't ask you to pay me back," I said coming up behind him and holding him around the waist. He was so tense. I whispered soft reassurances in his ear, hoping he would finally hear me. "It's okay."

"I really have to study..."

I wouldn't have believed him except the tight hold he had on himself seemed to ease up. He didn't feel like the taut string of a bow. Changing tactics, I kissed the side of his neck and laughed when he squirmed away.

"How about you get a couple of hours of studying done, like the good student you are. And I'll bring us some takeout later. Sound good?"

"Pok..."

"Yes or no."

"No...you don't have to feed me and you don't have to come back here and you don't have to act like this is a big deal. Just...I'm sure there are a thousand things you would rather be doing. Don't you have to practise?"

"What do you know about that?"

I felt the shock of anger go through me before I could stop the words from falling out of my mouth. Wasn't that proof enough that I wasn't over his interference? Breathing slowly, I counted backwards from 10, then from 20. Tong was talking again before I could completely let the anger go but he provided a great distraction.

"I was informed by the dean that the team was reinstated after an investigation." He said rather quietly and I felt my suspicions awaken. He was hiding something. I could see it in the way he turned away and wouldn't look me in the eye. It should have been good news but he was acting like it was a death sentence. I would find out what had happened. I wasn't going to let him keep any more secrets from me. But I had to remind myself yet again; not today.

"There was no investigation by the dean," I said, unable to hold back my disgust at the guy trying to take credit for something he hadn't done. "Coach spoke to him and asked him not to punish the whole team for the misconduct of a few members. They didn't ask me any questions so I'm not sure how he even found out what was going on."

"Would you have told them the truth?" Tong asked.

I didn't have to think about it but the grunt I gave him seemed to answer his question sufficiently. I had no desire to make it seem like I wasn't glad of the current outcome. I wasn't sure I cared how it had happened. But I still had the coach's advice ringing in my ear. He'd told me to thank my friend for bringing to light a situation that could have been so much worse.

I was embarrassed for not having brought it up myself. That he had been there to see what I was like without him holding me accountable to something greater than myself. But I also hated that he had gone over my head instead of talking to me. It had worked out, better than I had hoped, but it was the same thing I had been saying all along. We needed to communicate better.

"So maybe that's where you should be putting your energy, right?" He said.

That's when I finally realized what he was talking about. But why would he think I needed to go for practise if he'd seen my note? Unless he hadn't.