With or Without

32. Tong

My breath started up again and if it was too fast and shallow, I didn't care. It's not like I knew what I was going to do with this new feeling threatening to burst from my chest. I was going to give him everything he wanted. Pok had no idea what he'd done but I was looking forward to showing him.

I pulled him down beside me. I got up onto my knees so I could be over him. I took the tube of lube from where he'd dropped it. For a minute I was completely confused. Then I remembered what I was supposed to be doing; how I had touched him that night. I touched him again. Watching his eyes close as he took in the sensations. Arching into my touch when I caressed the parts of him I knew would either comfort or arouse.

I wanted to kiss him but that would undo me. I needed to stay in control. I stroked his cock, his cock and finally his entrance. Soft, gentle touches that made him suck in his breath and grab onto my hand just like I had in the theatre; pushing and pulling at the same time. I understood his doubt.

I was gentle. Watching him carefully when I penetrated him slowly. I knew the discomfort of that first touch but I didn't let up even though he was frowning—barely breathing. I wanted him to get used to the touch before giving him more. I went deeper on each gentle thrust. Only when he was no longer wincing when I pressed into him did I add a second finger. This time he couldn't stop the tight moan and the soft keen.

His voice quivering and his body shaking because of what I was doing to him.

"Slow..." he begged me.

I could do slow. But he must have known. The advantage of using two fingers was that I could go deeper. Stroking him until I was rubbing over that sensitive gland inside him. Making him cry out every time I pressed over it even without the benefit of keeping his cock equally stimulated.

"Please, Tong...I'm going to..."

"Don't you dare come."

Letting go of his cock, I heard his groan of frustration and that too was very familiar. But I wasn't done stretching him. Easy three tightly bunched fingers into him finally had him quiet. He was concentrating so hard on keeping his body still but I wanted him to relax.

"Easy baby...I'm going slow."

Only then did I cover his body with mine. The focus I had put on him doomed the minute my body touched his. I wanted him so much I had to force myself to take a couple of deep breaths before I dared get any close. I guided my cock to his entrance. It was easy to slip past the first ring of muscles. Keeping my breathing steady, I leaned forward so he could reach me; hold me.

I wanted him to feel the rise and fall of my chest, forcing him to match his breath to mine. He wouldn't be shocked when I started to move in time to that breath. The steady pleasant pace would already be familiar. When I moved, he moved with me. The soft moans and stuttered words testing me and finding me wanting.

His voice was husky and soft. He was pleading, "Yes...please..."

Demanding, "More..."

That was soon replaced by, "Tong, fuck...oh God...don't stop."

I wouldn't stop. I couldn't. I was engulfed in fire but instead of burning me up, I was coming alive. His orgasm hit with all the force of a freight train. His hands were around my neck and he pulled me close so I could barely move. I was carried on the wave of his contractions. Crashing into him like a tsunami. Our bodies moving in tandem as he squeezed and pulsed as he came. Causing me to come to the point where my body couldn't handle the tightness that squeezed the pleasure out of me.

We held on to each other. Both anchor and sail. Propelling each other forward and yet keeping each other grounded. We crashed. Entangled tight inside our cocoon of love and sex and sweat and heat and come.

Satisfaction.

~

"We should go somewhere," Pok said.

He was busy tracing lines on my chest and I was holding him. Neither of us was in a hurry to change our current positions.

"Maybe we could take a road trip. To the beach or something?" I asked absently.

"Doesn't everybody go to the beach? It'll be packed with holiday goers and we'll end up spending time with people we see every day."

It was true but I couldn't really think of anything else. It's not like we had that much time left. I was more than happy to spend it ensconced in my apartment making love to Pok until the new semester began.

"Do you have a better suggestion?"

"Yeah, there's somewhere I want to go with you," Pok said cryptically.

"Okay. Where?"

"I'll make the plans."

The lack of details only made me more curious but Pok wouldn't be swayed. He kept his secrets as he dressed and nothing I could do would sway him. He finally pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

"Trust me."

I did trust him—implicitly. But when he left to go back to his room, I didn't join him. I think he knew I needed some space or maybe he needed it—I couldn't decide who it was for. But it was the right thing for us.

I spent the better part of the day refreshing the campus website in the hopes of getting my results. I eventually walked to the department where they had already been posted. It was such a relief to know I had passed. It meant I was finally off the Dean's radar. The only thing bothering me was the fact that I hadn't made up my mind about moving back in with Pok.

I wanted to. He wanted me to. But if we needed time apart, wasn't that an indication that we weren't ready to spend all our time together the way we had before? Something was holding me back and it wasn't the need for space.

Pok had achieved what he wanted. Succeeded in ways I could not imagine. He was on his way to the national competition with a chance to represent the national team if he made the cut. That came with a whole other set of requirements. It was anyone's guess how far that would take him.

But it left me wondering where I fit in this new reality. I didn't know if we had truly resolved our issues or simply glossed over the gnarly bits. I didn't want to stand in his way. Yet a part of me was more afraid that one day, he would change his mind and walk away from me no matter how resolute I was about sticking to him.

I had already seen and felt what that looked like and I was scared to open myself up to that kind of vulnerability again.