𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐓 ( finn wolfhard imagines)

ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ᵈʳᵉᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ

For as long as I could remember, I've been dreaming.

She remembered every night, strangely enough. From shutting her youthful, tense eyes, squeezing them to ignore all the bed bugs and monsters—to awakening with a sharp gasp, eyes wide with despair.

She could never think of a moment where she didn't wake up with shock.

More importantly, she couldn't remember a night where she hadn't dreamed.

It honestly feels like my entire life—

The dainty, tiny child who kicked in her bed at night. She always saw whimsical things. Her life was surrounded with fairy tales and wishes. In her mind, when she's fast asleep, she couldn't escape from the false reality either.

—the same dream.

The awkward, anxious teenager. Irritatingly edgy and blunt. She'd stay up until her eyes turned red and strained from exhaustion. Her life had a crude awakening. She believed the bad things were good... and that the good things were bad.

She'd dream about murder, about sex, about drugs—about everything she wasn't allowed to posses, her mind brewed those dreams every night.

Every night...

A young woman. Sure of herself yet uncertain. A castle full of contradictory that she could never seem to slip away from. She'd been experienced at that point. Had a fair share of stories to tell and stories to hear.

Though they never explained.

Now, at night, deep in her mind, she dreamed of a family—of love and delight.

I see him.

He was always taller. Presumably older, though not by much.

His hair was always dark, unruly, and gorgeously curly.

His complexion was always pale.

His lips were always rosy and plump.

Light freckles laid across his face, body slim yet constructed well.

And his eyes— Oh god, his eyes... that's where the familiarity always laid; irises that behold an ocean of memories.

And every dream is different.

She'd get ready for a tale every night. Maybe a quick hook up at a bar? A chaste evening by the sunset. A battle between heirs and marriage. An enemy turned into lover. The list was clearly never ending.

But two thing remains the same.

There was some consistency though.

One; I always fall in love with him.

Always, her heart yearned for his.

It seemed impossible... to love someone she didn't know. But she had never loved anyone as hard as she loved him.

And two...

She loved the meeting. She loved shaking his hand, exchanging names. She loved the enormous build up; to simply confess and kiss. She loved the resting stage, to lay in her lover's arms and let him caress and make love to her whenever he pleased. She loved the future—

I can never have him.

Something always happens.

He dies.

Then I wake up—

Sharp gasp. Hot and heavy breaths. Springing from the bed with enlarged pupils.

And all I can recall—

She'd sit in bed. She'd sit and think for hours at times. And she'd wonder... she'd wonder 'till her mind went fuzzy; 'till she felt like throwing up.

Is an endless—

The warmth doesn't radiate any longer once she's awake.

Nightmare.

Every night and every morning: the same nightmare.

The worst part is that it feels so real. She feels every emotion cut straight through hear soul. And it's painful... it's more painful than any real life experience she's had. And hell, her life was not easy.

She tried seeking help.

She asked her friends. Then her friends' friends. And then maybe their friends as well.

But eventually she got tired of anecdotal accounts.

She got a therapist.

And she told the older woman everything.

Then she was advised to mediate and maybe even take some sleeping pills... great?

She even tried looking for answers with religion. She joined the church and begged for God to answer her.

Please, please, please.

Nothing.

She couldn't do it any longer.

She couldn't wake up with a depressed mindset every day.

She couldn't witness him die for one more night.

—

a/n: idk i might make this into a book cuz it seems like a cool idea. i just have to find the motivation.