Ain't It Fun (Guns N' Roses - Slash)

Chapter Thirty-Two 'I Was A Bitch.'

I sat on the bed for at least half an hour, allowing myself to cool down and Izzy as well. I expected he had left in his car, why would his stay? I was a bitch. Wiping my eyes, slowly I removed myself from the bed. My chest making a weird hiccuping sounds as I made my way down the hallway and towards the front door. Izzy was nowhere to be seen inside the house. Slowly peeping out the window, I noticed Izzy standing in front of his car, the bonnet raised and his arm and head resting against the metal bonnet.

Swallowing hard, I walked towards the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a small plastic water bottle. I then calmly exited the house and walked towards Izzy, stopping behind him. He was dead still and I could hear faint weeping from him. That brought sickening butterflies to my stomach and a lump to my own throat. Taking a step forward and beside, I turned and leaned my back against the car. There were tools here and there from whatever Izzy had been doing. Reaching out I caressed Izzy's cheek, which was drenched of tears. He tensed up before slightly relaxing into my touch.

"Baby?" I whisper, holding back my own tears that wanted to come.

Izzy kept his stance for a moment longer until he sniffled and slowly removed his head and arm from the bonnet. His eyes were red, puffy and hurt. The blue in his eyes stood out like gems, they were beautiful.

"I'm so sorry Izzy, I've been so blind." I whisper feeling the tears pricking at my own eyes. "I didn't realise what I had right in front of me and I'm sorry." Izzy simply stared down at me, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. Pulling my hand from his cheek, I held up my other hand with the water bottle in one hand.

Izzy looked at it for a second before pushing my hand away and turning away from me. Looking down, I swallowed hard before standing up.

"Well I hope you can somehow forgive me for my stupidity." I finish going to walk away as he kept his back to me. Waiting a second longer just in case he replied, I then started for the house after I decided he wouldn't reply. Closing the door behind me, I left the water bottle out in the lounge room before heading back to the bedroom. I couldn't do anything, I felt like I had made a huge mistake which I couldn't take back. I couldn't take back how I hurt Izzy, but that was something I wished I could.

Hoping into bed, I wrapped myself in the doona and rested my head against the pillow. I let out a shaky breath and squeezed my eyes shut, Izzy's hurt expression kept running through my head. I couldn't blame him if he couldn't forgive me, it was understandable. I didn't deserve to be forgiven. No that was an understatement. I didn't deserved to be loved by the most caring, loving man I knew. I was his world, and I kept turning his world upside down and inside out.

Feeling the bed grow heavy minutes later, I turned over to see Izzy under the blankets beside me, gazing down at me.

"Baby I'm sorry." He whispers, wrapping his arms tightly around my body.

"No don't be sorry, it's all my fault." I mumble. "I was a bitch. I didn't realise how you really felt. I'm just confused at the moment alright. My head hasn't been clear since all the shit has happened. I'm sorry if I've been hurting you Izzy. I'm not trying to do it intentionally." I whisper, nuzzling my face into his chest. What would I do without Izzy? He had a point though, he was here for me, he was my rock.

"I know Stace. I guess I should have realised how you felt about Slash. I mean we kicked it off immediately after the entire Slash thing. I didn't think of letting you have some space before jumping straight back into a relationship. I was selfish there, I was only thinking about me getting you. Not how you felt at the time."

"You could never be selfish Izzy. You've done everything right. It takes two to tango." I close my eyes, inhaling his scent. It was filled of cigarette smoke and men's deodorant.

"I know you care for Slash, even if you say you don't. I know you love him, even I can see it. You're restrained. I just only wished you could love me the same, or at least give it time and try." His embrace tightens and his lips compress against the top of my head.

"Izz, I would do anything for you. Even try." I return, sighing as I rubbed my face against his shirt. "You mean the world to me."