Rhiannon // Max Mayfield

18: suffering in silence

One month had passed since then, since the mind flayer was defeated, since the mall 'burned down', since her brother had died.

She still hasn't opened his letter, it was too painful, made it fresh, making her deal with it head on.

Alex's life seemed to have changed that day. She wasn't the sarcastic, athlete yet also a total geek that everyone knew her as. For the past month she had barely moved, she had locked herself in her room, went days without eating anything and watched herself turn into a shell.

She rarely slept, nightmares plaguing her dreams, the way Billy had looked in his sacrifice for Eleven, how helpless she felt in the sauna, Atlas's last breath. She had barely spoken to anyone since that day, Steve obviously, he was the only one home, their parents had taken a work offer abroad for a year or so. Isaac and Luke had been over at least once a week, they didn't even try and make conversation, just sat with her, offering to listen, Alex appreciated it more than she would admit.

Rocky had been around once or twice, just wanting to check up on her during it all, he had seen her brother on the lists of casualties and wanted to make sure she was okay without even knowing what happened. That was it. She hadn't let anyone else in. Dustin had been at her house but she made Steve lie that she was asleep whenever he was there.

It wasn't that she didn't want to see her friends she just doesn't want to explain everything, or relive the pain she went through in those few days. It was like a haunting, she knew it was selfish but that was her problem to deal with.

Today was one of her normal days, Alex was sprawled across her bed, record player playing one of her various vinyl's as she looked up at the ceiling and strummed along on her guitar, the thing had really grounded her in the past month, she found it calming to just sit and move her hands in time with the music.

Steve knocked before walking into the girls room, leaning against the doorway. She looked up and smiled slightly at him, "I know your not big on having proper meals right now so," he held up a tub of ice cream and two spoons, "I suggest we either sit up here, or downstairs and watch re-runs of old musicals until we both fall asleep?" he suggested, this was his final attempt to get Alex to stomach food today.

The girl looked unsure but nodded, leaning her instrument against the wall with shaky hands and stopping her vinyl before following her brother into his room, apparently that's where he had decided to sit.

He passed her one of the spoons, "Thanks," she mumbled, just above a whisper.

The girl reached in and got some of the ice cream out, making Steve smile a little, she seemed to be adjusting to life properly again. He turned the television down and turned to talk to her.

"Dustin said they all miss you, you know. Apparently the party doesn't feel the same without you there," He said sadly, recalling the boys message from earlier on in the day.

"Yeah, i know," Alex replied, not meeting his eyes.

She knew it well, her friends stopped by at least once a week, or they radioed her but never got a response. Alex always made Steve tell them that she either wasn't in or doesn't want visitors. She just had this undying dread that when she faced the party she would be met with pity and that was the worse, she still hadn't forgiven herself for everything. 

Alex missed them all as well, Max especially but she couldn't stomach facing them, being remembered of that night. She always had this foreboding sense of guilt, like everything that happened was somehow all her fault. Alex couldn't shake the feeling no matter how hard she tried.