i know // jeremiah fisher

LV - Done

Two days since the initial incident, I can assure you nothing has changed.

Jeremiah is still trying to get a hold of me.

Steven is still comforting me when I lose it.

And everyone else is clueless.

It's five in the morning. I can't sleep.

I can't stop thinking about the bracelet.

The kind of love where you would sell your soul to see their face one more time, the kind of love that feels unfinished because you never got to say goodbye, the type of love that felt safe. That's the type of love I had with Papa.

Out of all the little Conklin's running around, I was for sure the closest with him.

Everyone seemed to favor Grammie because she was, well, Grammie. But Papa always had a soft spot in my heart.

He was tough on the outside but warm on the inside, like the perfect cookie.

I think the hardest thing I've ever had to go through was his passing,

And everyone knows it. I practically didn't talk for a whole summer.

So maybe Jeremiah should be used to the silent treatment, he needs to get over it.

Or maybe I'm being a jerk...

I feel like I'm going through it again. And I know it sounds stupid, but the bracelet was like a symbol of him; and I couldn't even take care of it.

And it's not like I was gonna get a new one.

Being alone with these thoughts is terrible, I feel like I'm reliving the summer of silence.

I'm just sobbing into my pillow thinking of things that make me cry harder.

I feel like Bella after Edward left.

I feel like I want someone to rescue me from myself, and Jeremiah's been trying. So why won't I let him?

My mind is a terrible place to be.

I look at the clock it says seven now. I've been crying for too many hours.

I wipe off my tears and try to control myself before walking over to Steven's room.

I flip on the lights and stand in his doorway.

He wakes up and looks at me silently with a nod.

I shut the door and walk over to his bed.

"I tried, um, at work I remembered seeing hydrogen peroxide in the med cabinet, but it didn't work..." He holds up a still bloody bracelet.

"You tried." I mercy.

He shrugs, "I'm sorry, Y/n. I know- I know Pops was your world."

I can't help it when another tear falls.

He gives me one last squeeze in our hug before turning his back to my body and falling asleep along side me.

The first wink of sleep I've gotten was here, in Steven's bed.

***

"I'm done with the shit." Jeremiah says, cornering me in the kitchen.

We're the only two home, the moms are out doing something and Con, Steven, and Belly are with some friends I think.

"What?" I ask lamely.

"What is going on?" He snaps.

"Nothing." I say.

"No, that's the answer I've been getting nonstop for days. What is the issue?"

"Nothing."

"Damnit, Y/n! Talk to me!" He says loudly.

I stare at him blankly.

"This isn't fair to me and you know it! We are in a relationship, these are the things that are supposed to happen! You are supposed to talk to me about things not shut me out forever!" He pleads, anger still in his tone.

"I've never done this!" I argue. "It isn't just easy for me, Jere!"

"What isn't easy for you?" He shoots back.

"Us!" I yell.

His jaw clenches. "I didn't realize being with me was such a challenge for you."

I shake my head, frustrated. "I never said that, don't put words in my-"

"Yes you did! You literally just did!" He says, cutting me off.

"You aren't being fair at all!"

"Neither are you!" He says.

"This is new to me! This is all new to me! You knew that! You are supposed to-" I stutter over thoughts, "Help me. You are supposed to help me through it!"

"I've been trying! You're impossible to help!" He yells.

I shake my head, biting my lip.

"Let's try this," He laughs with anger, "You owe me one. Remember? I cash it. Tell me what's going on."

I stare with my eyebrows furrowed.

"Here's a relationship tip: you're supposed to talk to me, literally just talk!" His words sting.

I clench my jaw, my eyes are glossy. "It's hard." I admit quietly, looking up at him through my lashes.

Everything about it is hard. Talking to anyone is hard. Talking to Jere is the hardest. Opening up, it, feels impossible.

"You know what? If this is all so hard for you, if being with me is so hard for you, here's how I'll help: we're done." He says through his teeth.

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. It's getting harder to hold the water in my eyes by the second.

My lip quivers.

I close my eyes tightly, trying not to let a tear fall.