alpha's diary

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one, two, three days without you.
it's more than three right?
must be around a week now.
i feel more lonely than usual.
i have come to realise i dont feel much when you're not around.
I've not had this before, not with family or bygone love.
when i left my family behind, off to a better life somewhere on my own, i felt no empty space in my heart.
when i left you behind to a quest somewhere around a week ago, i feel blue cover my entire being.
when you're not here, i dont have the energy needed to feel feelings.
when you're not here i turn into an emotionless prick who is unapproachable to people.
when you're not here, i turn into my old self, im cold and judgemental.
never smile, never joke, never let my guard down.
i turn into someone you wouldn't remember.
im not alpha when i am alone, im just Ki-Joon all over again.
you're my reason to smile, you were my reason to change for the better.
i don't like Ki-Joon at all.
i like the alpha you love.
the one you cherish, not some git from the other side of the tracks, stealing to survive.
i want to be your alphie, the one who fell in love with a prince, the one who helps his people in his very own kingdom.
he's healed, stronger, more loved.
not some broken kid who looks too much like his father.
with this note, i want to say i miss you.
more than ill ever tell you.
if you accidentally found this note in my diary or anywhere else, hi.
im sorry im not as healed and spotless as i show myself to be.
without you i am nothing, and right now, i am without you.
ill do my best to return home safely soon

Love, Joon♡

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