Only you (Book 2)

I hate what she did..

Lizzie POV

„Ehh yeah so I've taken notes so that I won't start rambling." I wiggled with my paper and the woman across me nod.

„It's okay if you ramble." She replied but I don't think I should because others have something to say as well.

„No, no it's not." I fired back but she shook her head.

„It is."

„It's not. But yeah. I've read an article a couple days ago about grieve and if you lose someone that it feels like you lose 308,780 $ a year. Like it sounded so ridiculous to me. That you try to put a price tag onto a Death. A life that has ended. I thought to myself how is that even possible? But then I considered it. Like „Lizzie how would you feel if you'd lose that much money every single year.?"
I'd feel like this would be a problem that would never be fixed. It's an impossible amount of money to lose. Well and this... this is how I feel about my friend drying by committing suicide. Sounds like a weird comparison. Not that I try to compare a Death to anything because that's not possible to me. It was just meant as an example. But she just.. she just left and took something with her that I'll never be able to earn back." my voice died down as I looked down onto my hands scrunching the paper note I had in my hand.

„You still got some minutes to talk." She offered not replying at what I said first.

„Well There is not much to talk about so..."
I answered and she shook her head.

„There is. Just say what comes up in your mind.
It can be anything." She encouraged me.

„You know every time I come here I ask myself why? I could easily just lay on my couch with a glass of wine in my hand. Some good old wine.
Instead of opening up to strangers who have their own struggle which is probably worse than mine-."

„Everyone's struggle is valid. Just because you think it's „not much" doesn't mean it is."

„I just hate what she did. The way she left. She could have talked to me or to anyone else around her. But leaving like this? With having so much to lose? Why?"

„Maybe she felt like she couldn't talk to you or to anyone else? She maybe thought that she lost it all already. You can never know what's going on in someone's mind."

„I should have seen it. I should have read in between the lines. How she changed. The way she isolated herself and how she was so distanced from everyone."

„Her Death was not your fault."

„Then why does it feel like it is? I wake up every day and think of what she would do in that moment. Perhaps she would have builded up a family. Or brought a pet or opened a shop who knows. Maybe even travel. She didn't even graduated from college. All these things where waiting for her. If she wouldn't have left."

The group staid silent probably not able to say anything to this.

„Thank you for sharing." they all added and I only nod at them looking down onto the ground again.

...

„Hey how was group therapy?"

„Well i talked for whole five minutes. I didn't cry.
But I still feel like shit. What about you? How was training?" I asked after we shared a quick hug and sat down in my garden.

„Exhausting. But reliving at the same time. You can always join me if you want." she offered and I smiled faintly at her.

„Well. I don't know if fighting is something for me."

„Oh I think it would be good for you. Some change in your daily rhythm would help."

„My days are packed enough. Uni and then correcting assignments. Therapy.."

„And then laying in bed or drinking wine on the sofa. Think about it. I would love to see you there."

„I'm just really comfy that's all."

„Well then let's bring you out of your comfort zone. For once in a while. Why don't we go on a weekend trip? Just us. Maybe to New York? Or anywhere else if you want."

„You Sure about it? I don't know."

„Oh come on. Just the two of us. It'll be fun. Enjoy the days and make the most out of the nights by partying. We haven't done that in a while."

„Yeah probably since college." I chuckled as I think back to the good memories we shared.

„See? That's even more of a reason why we should go. Come on Lizzie. It'll be fun." She poked my arm and I gave in as my grin exposed me.

„Okay fine. Let's do it. I wanna get wasted. Distracted from everything that is surrounding me right now." I gave in and she cheered.

„YES!! This is gonna be your best weekend. When do you have time?" she asked trying to plan everything already.

„What about this weekend? Or is it to spontaneous?" I asked and she nod.

„So You give me two days to plan everything?
Well challenge excepted." she replied while rubbing her hands in excitement.

„Just don't exaggerate it okay? I still wanna be able to do something after this weekend." I told her and she nod.

„Don't worry bestie. You'll enjoy yourself."
She winked at me and I rolled my eyes at her.

I don't know what to expect but I just hope this weekend will get my thoughts away from me.
After years I've become sick of being so low and I need to move on but something is holding me back trying to tell me that this is not over yet.

A/n: I have no clue where the trips gonna be so I gotta find that out first before I creat the plot haha.
Any recommendations are welcome

Stay tuned
Until next time
Peace and love✌🏽❤️
~S