Warbler Cries

Chapter 48 : Sebastian panics

Chapter 48

Later...    

Sebastian POV

I can't even think right now. Literally my whole world is crashing down around me. And I barely even have a world.

I've never felt anxiety like this before. My chest feels so tight and it feels like I'm suffocating. I guess this is how Jeff feels all the time. I get why he freaks out. Panic attacks make anxiety a million times worse because it feels like you're dying.

I was pacing my bedroom, trying to calm myself down and slow down my breathing, but I couldn't, and that was just freaking me out even more.

And then my phone rang. It's Jeff.

"Hello?"

"S-Sebastian?" Jeff whispered.

"What? What's going on, Jeff?"

"I-I know you're s-supposed to b-be at your h-house f-for the weekend, b-but could you c-come g-get me, p-please!?" He whispered.

"Of course. Where are you? What's going on? Are you hurt?"

"Y-yeah. I-I'm home. O-on the f-front steps."

"Ok. I'm coming, Jeff."

I hung up and immediately grabbed my coat. I went down the stairs and walked past my parents in the kitchen.

"Not that you even care, but my friend needs me right now, so I'm not staying until Sunday," I said, slamming the front door on my way out.

Jeff's house wasn't far from mine, so I decided to just run. I kind of just blocked everything out and focused on Jeff and getting to his house.

It was really dark when I got to his house because the only light I could see was a single light from inside, which I think was a TV. I took out my phone and turned the flashlight on. Jeff was sitting on his front steps with his knees pulled to his chest.

"Tell me what happened," I said, sitting down beside him and gently wrapping my arms around him.

"I just got in a fight with him... Um... And it's not even a big deal, I'm sorry I called you-"

"Jeff, it's fine. I'm glad you called."

"Ok... Well um... I just got in a fight with him and he didn't really even try to hit me or hurt me or anything. But he did push me and I fell and my ankle just really hurts. He's passed out on the couch. He doesn't even know I left or that I'm hurt. I just got really scared. Why are you hyperventilating?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to calm down. I think I might be having a panic attack. But I'm not sure. I don't think I've ever had one before. You would know better than I would."

"Wait, why are you having a panic attack? Because of me?"

"No. It's my parents. It doesn't matter. I just can't seem to calm down. My heart won't stop racing and it feels like I'm literally not able to breathe any oxygen."

"Yeah, it's probably a panic attack. Try to take deep breaths."

"I tried that earlier. It didn't work."

"Try harder. Close your eyes. Now force yourself to breathe slowly."

"It feels like I'm going to pass out."

"You won't. It only feels like you will. Keep breathing. Slow."

I tried to breathe slow. But it was really hard.

"Slower. Concentrate."

I took a really deep breath and sighed. My chest wasn't feeling so tight anymore. But I still had this weird panicky feeling inside me.

"Good. You seem more relaxed. How are you feeling?" Jeff asked.

"Still kind of panicky. But better than before."

"Ok. Can we go somewhere? I don't want to stay here."

"Yeah um... I guess we can go back to Dalton. It's late though. So I'll have to text Kurt to let us in when we get there."

"How are we going to get there? Because my ankle really hurts."

"I'll call us a cab. Is it possible to have another panic attack right after the first one? Because I feel like I'm going to have another."

"Then take more deep breaths."

I called us a cab and tried to stay calm. But my body is just freaking out and I don't know what to do.

When we got to Dalton, I helped Jeff to the bench out front of Dalton. I sat down next to him and then called Kurt.

"Hello?"

"Kurt, we're out front at Dalton. Can you come let us in?"

"Who's with you?"

"Jeff."

"Oh... Yeah. I'll be there in a minute."

We waited and then Kurt showed up.

"What are you guys doing back? You're not supposed to be back until Sunday," Kurt said.

"We can tell you later. Can we sleep in your dorm tonight?" I asked.

"Uh... Yeah. Sure. Are you ok? You're breathing kind of hard."

"No, I'm not ok! I feel like I'm having a panic attack and I don't know how to handle it!" I yelled.

"Ok... Have you tried taking deep breaths?"

"Yes! I already tried to calm down! And I just can't!" I said, starting to cry.

"Ok, let's go inside so you can settle down. It's cold out," Kurt said.

"I need help. I hurt my ankle," Jeff said.

Kurt helped him up and helped him inside. I followed them to Kurt's dorm.

I sat down on the extra bed in Kurt's room since he doesn't have a roommate. I pulled my knees to my chest like I'd seen Jeff do a million times. Jeff sat down next to me and gently put his arm around me.

"What should I do to help?" Kurt asked.

"Can you go get him some water?" Jeff asked.

"Absolutely."

Kurt left and I started crying harder.

"It's ok. Whatever happened at home, it doesn't matter. You're safe here. Just try to calm down. Or if you want, sometimes it makes me feel better to just cry it out," Jeff said, starting to rub small circles on my back.

"I just don't know why this is happening to me! I don't know why I feel like this!" I cried.

"It's ok. You're going to be ok."

My whole body was trembling. My fingers even felt numb. My body won't stop freaking out.