Jamie's POV
I can’t believe that he’s here, right in front of me. When he said he was going to give me five minutes and stood up, just five minutes to think about what he said I snapped out of my trance. I just had to hug him so tightly thinking that he’d actually disappear and that he was just a figment of my imagination.
I may have not said or admitted it to anyone but I hoped for his return, if he would ever return to me. I tried dating other people too but it would always just end up with me thinking about him, so I stopped because that was unfair to them and myself.
I’d like to think that this was a very long pause we had to have in our relationship but in case he finds someone, I would be more than happy for him and that would be my last thread to cut. I guess he never really totally cut what really binds us together - the love for “us” and for me.
I’d be called a hypocrite if I did not admit how hard it was for me the first few years. How many times I stopped myself from asking about him whenever I met his parents. It was not really planned but I happened to see them in an event my father was invited to which I had to tag along because Mom was visiting my brother that time. I came up to them and said my hellos and before I knew it, we were scheduling lunches, dinners, and even an afternoon tea. It actually helped too.
There were also nights when I could not sleep but had to stop myself from calling him too. I’m sure he had those moments as well. Add the tears that I shed because I missed him, us. All those we’re part of what we had to go through.
Was I wrong? Did I regret my decision?
In some aspects yes I thought I was wrong and pretty much told myself that I am as stubborn as I can be. I did regret some of our decisions but I know it is wrong to regret the decisions we made because that would mean we did not want to be accountable for it. So I had to erase the idea of regret and what ifs. What kept me going was the fact that he’s out there expanding his wings, learning, improving, growing.
I needed to make adjustments in my life during the past three years. I was so consumed by the timeline I set for myself and it exhausted me both mentally and physically. Realizing this, I made the decision to talk with my hospital supervisor and discussed if I could lessen the hours that I’d be clocking in. It did not matter anymore how long it would take me to complete my requirements before I can get my national certification. What mattered was to manage my time and enjoy the journey. They understood my plans because if they did not, I would have opted to resign.
I was able to spend more time with my family, visited my brother and other relatives in the States, and took my much needed vacation and break. Not everyone can get lucky to have supportive family, friends, and colleagues so I was very thankful that they supported and understood my decisions. After the break I needed, I continued completing my hours and several required case studies with better focus. Now I am done with two parts of my certification and I only need one more. I guess we can also say I’ve grown up in some aspects in life, know it a bit better now and I am proud of myself that I did.
It takes a lot of strength and time to move on from a love like Sean and I had. We’re not even sure if people ever really move on from that kind of love, maybe we just learned how to live with the fact that you have experienced that love and you were grateful for it. It is just that life circumstances made people decide to end the relationship, no matter how beautiful it looks and feels. That feeling stays with you and you define when and how long it will.
But if we are lucky enough, we get them back and we learn how to navigate those life circumstances better that would give the relationship a second chance it deserves, work harder and better to make it last.
