Endless Love [ProfxStudent]

Chapter 42

PORTIA

"Do you wanna go outside?" I took a deep breath.

Pang ilang tanong ko na ba 'to? Tatlo? Apat? Pero hindi nya sinasagot. She's treating us as if she couldn't see us. Kanina pa syang tulalang nakatingin sa bookshelf.

Maayos naman kami ng gumising sya, she keep on blabbering some things that she's gonna do today. Pero bumaba lang sya, which she used the elevator, pagbalik ay tahimik na.

"Baby.." I called her.

I sigh before putting the pen away, we're here at their library. I need do finish some works, but I can't leave her here, alone. Umalis si Tita Harriet, at mamayang gabi pa ang uwi.

Ayaw ko namang ipagkatiwala lang sya sa mga kasambahay nila.

"What are you thinking?" tanong ko pagkalapit. Sinilip ko pa sya but as usual, tulala lang talaga itong naka tingin sa mga libro.

I hug her from behind.

"Gusto mo bang lumabas?" muli kong tanong.

I feel kind of rejected when she shook my head.

"Mahihirapan ka lang," she nonchalantly utter.

"We talked about this before, didn't we, Aya?" mabilis lang itong nakalayo sa'kin dahil sa gamit na wheelchair. I saw it online, and I think it will go handy, para hindi na rin sya mahirapan kung may kailangan sya.

Hindi na bago sa'kin ang nagkakaganito sya, it's part of the process. Gagaling din naman sya.

"You're just wasting your time, Portia. Wala kang mapapala sa'kin." I raise an eyebrow. Here we go again of her self-pity and such.

Kailan ba tatatak sa utak nito na hindi ko nga sya susukuan?

"Sheveya," naiinis na naman ako.

"Tama sila." nag simulang magsilaglagan ang mga luha nito mula sa mata. I quickly step-forward to wipe her tears but she did not let me. "Hindi na nga ako maka lakad, pulos pa pahirap ang dala ko sa'yo, they're right, malas ka pagdating sa'kin. Umalis ka na lang, Portia. Save yourself, maraming iba jan. Kaya kang alagaan, kaya kang bigyan ng pamilya. Unlike me."

She won't say these things if she hadn't heard it to anyone. Just the thought of it makes my blood boil. They have lots of maid, say, fourteen? Fifteen? I don't know, I lost count.

But I won't ask her whom she heard it from. I'll find it my own way.

"Do you want to meet your Doctor today?" I ask instead. Kung gagatungan ko pa ang mga sinasabi nya, baka mauwi lang kami sa away. And the least thing I want to do right now is to upset her.

Hindi makakabuti sa kanya.

"I can't remember how it feels like to have a control on my own body." she whisper. I clenched my jaw. This is a normal conversation between us. Sa nagdaang mga araw, normal na sa'kin ang makitang kinaaawaan nya ang sarili nya. "There's a voice who kept telling me, Portia. Its says that I'm dragging you with me. Ayoko n'on, I want you to move forward. Ayokong pati ikaw madamay sa miserable kong buhay."

I want to come near her, I want to hug her, comfort her, but why can't I move? Para akong napako sa kinatatayuan ng marinig ang mga sinasabi nya.

This is what I meant when I say share her pain with me. Sabay kaming masaktan, she need to voice out her negative thoughts. Gaya ngayon, may be in this way, mababawasan yung sakit na dinaramdam nya.

I tried to remain composed, I don't wanna cry in front of her, again. Nag mumukha lang kaming dalawang mahina.

I look around as I averted my gaze, hindi ko kayang makitang umiiyak na naman sya, this time, it is not loud. Walang pagpalahaw na nagmumula sa kanya. She's just letting her tears roll down her cheeks.