Why are you so bloody perfect?! | jegulus

Regulus

Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and actions..

I woke up with the sun still barely on my face, it had gotten slightly more chilly outside, and now I was laying down with my head resting on James's mid section.
He was laying down with his arms behind his head, his eyes were closed.
Was he sleeping?
How long had I been out?

I looked up, slightly dazed. There were some other students further down the lake, but far enough that they couldn't bother us.

What if someone saw us?
It's fine, I don't care. Right?

I sat up and nudged closed to James.
He looked peaceful, with his eyes closed and his curly, dark chocolate hair falling out of his face. The afternoon sun danced on his nose and cheeks, turning his beautifully tanned skin a caramel color.

He had taken his glasses off, and I could see his eyes more clearly. His eyelashes were long and a rich brown like his hair.

He was so perfect, he had to be too good for me. I didn't deserve him.
I ignored those thoughts.

I hesitated, looking around at the nearby students. They couldn't see us from this distance clearly, but I still wasn't sure.

I gave in, and leaned closer to James face.
I leaned closer and kissed his eyelids, gently.
I hovered close to his face, but not close enough that my hair fell into his face.
He opened one eye, then the other. He smiled up at me, his face relaxed.

"Feel better?" He asked me, removing one of his arms out from behind his head and brushing the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.

"Some. How long was I out?" I questioned.

"About an hour? Three?" He replied. He checked the watch at his wrist. "Three." He confirmed.

"I'm sorry, you could've gotten up and left me. You didn't have to sit here for so long.."

"Shh." He teased, placing his fingers in front of my mouth. He reached up and moved his hand, kissing my lips.

That didn't help my dazed, sleepy feeling go away. But then again it sent a wave through me, like excitement.

"We- we should get back." I told him. "Your friends might be wondering.."

"Your probably right." James said. He got up onto his feet, and held out a hand, pulling me up.

"I don't need help getting up." I mumbled.
James smiled down at me.

"Maybe I like to." He noted.

I didn't know how to respond to that. I stayed silent, and cupped his hand tighter when he intertwined our fingers.

We walked quietly as we headed for the castle.
We passed by the students as we went, and I was relieved that they didn't notice us.

You need to relax, My mind told me.
No one is going to judge you..

I didn't know if that was true, and it most likely isn't. But I told myself that anyway to help me calm down.
You can't possibly be the only gay couple in the school right?

I wasn't expecting to run into Remus when we reached the castle.

We were walking into the entrance hall, and starting down the corridor, when Remus came around the corner.
He only looked mildly surprised to see me and James holding hands, and I knew that Lupin had figured out about us now, but I still dropped my hand and blushed slightly.

Remus smiled at me, and it made me feel uneasy for some reason. I didn't know Remus Lupin barely at all, and he smiled at me like we were almost friends? I shifted my weight, not sure what to do now.