Why are you so bloody perfect?! | jegulus

James

Warning for more slightly suicidal thoughts..

I held Regulus close to me, I didn't want to let him go.

I had been in our dorm with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, when I decided to check the map.
I had been checking it, I don't really know why..
I had the feeling that maybe Regulus was a bit burdened emotionally, cause Sirius always shared stuff with me. He would talk to me about his family and stuff, how he felt, and I would help him through it. But Regulus didn't have anyone to be there for him. I knew Barty was his friend, but I doubted they were close.
So I had been checking the map occasionally,
making sure Regulus wasn't up to anything crazy. When I saw him going to the Astronomy tower after curfew, I thought I should follow him.
I'm so glad I did, cause I don't think I could handle it if he had jumped.

When he told me about Barty, it had took some self control to not show my emotions. I knew Regulus didn't want me to get upset over it, but how could I not?
I wasn't going to just let something like that go.

Regulus loosened his grip on my sweater, and he backed away slightly.

"I'm sorry.." he muttered.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked him.

"I- I shouldn't be bothering you. It's not a big deal.."

"I don't think so. I don't think jumping off the astronomy tower is a small matter." I offered.

"That's why I'm sorry..." he murmured.

I backed up so I could see his face. The moonlight made his features glow in a eerie way, but also in a beautiful way. The tears on his face almost glowed in the lighting, and even if he'd been crying, I still loved his face.
I loved him.

I reached out and pulled my sleeves over my hand. I used the sleeves of my sweater and wiped the tears from his face.

"You don't have to be sorry about anything. It's okay." I assured him.

I brushed his hair out of his eyes so I could see his face more clearly. I noticed he was looking into my eyes, and I gazed back into his.
He looked so deep in thought, I wish I knew what he was thinking.

His grey eyes looked dazzling in the moonlight.
That sounds kinda cliche but they did.
They also had a sad look to them, and that made my heart ache.

I cupped his head in my hand, and brushed his cheek with my thumb.
I remembered what Regulus had said a moment ago..
'How can I know you won't leave me like everyone else?'
I wanted to show him how much I loved him, but how can you express such an emotion?
I wanted to say it in words, but that wasn't possible, was it? Either that or I just sucked with words.

"It's going to be okay." I said. I just felt like he needed to hear it again. I wanted him to believe it.

Regulus nodded, then lowered his gaze.
He held out his arms tentatively, like someone asking for a hug.
That's what I'm good at. I might suck with words, but I'm always willing to give someone a hug. Maybe that's how I express how I feel.

I wrapped my arms around him, and buried my face into his hair.

We sat there for a while, I don't know how long. With our arms wrapped around each other, and his head resting on my chest.

"We should probably head back..." I suggested.

"Probably." Regulus agreed.

I didn't want to let him go, but I stood up and pulled him up with me.

"You'll be okay?" I asked him.

He nodded, and I held his hand as we walked out of the astronomy tower.

We walked down a few corridors, and soon we reached the staircases, and from here I would have to leave him.

I turned to him, and went to drop his hand but he held it tighter.

"I have to leave, the others will be wondering where I am. I wish I could stay with you.." I explained.

"I know.. just..." he dropped my hand.

"I could walk you back to Slytherin common room?" I offered.

"Yes please." Regulus said, not meeting my eyes. Was he embarrassed?

I started toward the dungeons, Regulus walking beside me.
We didn't say anything, and we didn't have to. We passed corridors and walked down staircases in silence, and eventually we made it to the Slytherin common room.
I stopped outside the hidden doorway in the stone wall, and turned to Regulus once more.

I leaned down and kissed his forehead.
I wanted to say goodnight or something, but it hadn't exactly been a good night so far, had it?

Regulus turned to the wall and said the password, then he entered the common room.
He glanced back at me as the doors closed, and then he was gone.

I turned and walked back up the hallway. I felt bad for leaving him, but what else could I do? He said he didn't want to be around Barty, but where else could he go?

I would figure out a way to get back at Barty, but right now I had no ideas.

I walked back to Gryffindor tower, and soon I reached the portrait hole. I said the password and walked in.

I saw the other three sitting on a couch near the fireplace. It was past curfew, but people were still up, mingling around the common room.
I went to walk over to our dorms, hoping the others might not notice me, but no such luck.

Sirius looked up at me, and he gave me a quizzical look.
Had he noticed I was missing?
Of course he did.

"Went for a nice walk James?" He teased.

Remus looked up from his book and gave me a knowing look but he didn't say anything. I was grateful for that.

"Yeah, you could say that." I replied.

"Where were you?" He asked.

Peter looked up from his spot, glancing nervously between us both.

"Just sneaking around the castle, you know me." I said, sitting down. If I tried to sneak off that might look suspicious.

"Without me?" Sirius joked.

"Man on a mission." I shrugged. "Sorry, I'll bring you next time."

"Thank you." Sirius nodded. He still glanced at me questionably, but he seemed to accept my answer.
I rejoiced internally.

"So, about the prank.." Sirius started.

Remus rolled his eyes, but Peter perked up, interested.
I listened along as Sirius started explaining his idea on how to change all the paintings in Hogwarts.

After a while, we all went to bed.

I changed into my pajamas, brushed my teeth and rolled under the covers of my bed.
As I laid there, I thought about Regulus.

I had been so scared when I saw him, perched on the railing, looking down from he astronomy tower, bracing himself for the fall.

What if I hadn't gotten there in time? Would he have done it?

I didn't want to think about it, but I wouldn't forget it.
I would look out for him, I would make sure he stayed okay. That he knew he was loved, wanted..
I would make sure he never thought of doing such a thing again.
I was going to help him through this.

1245 words.