Why are you so bloody perfect?! | jegulus

Regulus

It was December 17th, and tomorrow I'd be leaving with the Marauders for winter break.
But that wasn't the only thing on my mind.
I'm an astronomy nerd, of course, and I knew that tonight was a full moon.

And now I knew that Remus was a werewolf.
There was just too much proof.
The scars, the disappearing, getting sick once a month, everything Severus had said, the nickname, and the fact that he had been acting very strangely this evening.

I had been sitting at the Slytherin table, eating dinner, when I noticed Remus had gotten up and left early. The sun was starting to set in the sky, and I noticed the way Remus had looked as he walked out of the great hall.
Fidgety, restless, and on edge, like he was frustrated. But I also noticed he looked a little sad, and was that fear?

I didn't blame Remus, and I wasn't scared of him. He hadn't hurt anyone yet, and he's been here for six years, obviously the school had found a safe way to contain him.

Maybe that's what the dungeons are for.. my mind wondered.

I hoped not. Remus didn't deserve to be chained up behind bars, even if he was a werewolf. He was still a really nice person.
I don't know much about werewolves, but I had been studying about them recently after figuring out about Remus. Not much though, but I got just of it.

I was surprised slightly at myself, for not feeling any fear toward Remus at all. Most people would, but all I felt toward was a strange feeling of sympathy, and almost understanding.
I have no idea what it's like to be a werewolf, but I did understand what it was like to hate your own identity, to hate who you are. Who your forced to be. That I could understand.

Though when the other marauders had gotten up from the table and followed, that's when I had started really wondering..

Why were they following? Maybe they wanted to talk to him before he changed, or maybe something else, but surely not go with him?
I know the four are close, but that's impossible. They'd be torn to pieces. So what were they doing?

I now sat in my dorm room, sitting in the window ledge, staring out at the pale moonlight that leaked in through the lake. It streaming into where I sat, in milky white waves, the water rippling the rays of soft light.
This was one of the few places in Hogwarts where I couldn't see the stars, and it sometimes gave me a caged feeling, like cluster-phobia.

I directed my gaze away from the window, instead looking about the dorm room.

Barty was sitting with Evan on his bed, and they were playing a card game of some sort.
Though it apparently involved a good bit of talking, and quite a lot of cussing.
I didn't care to ask what kind of game it was.

I stared back out the window, watching the patches of kelp and sea grass sway to the rhythm of the water, dancing to the silent song of the lake. Some fish swam by, and I wasn't too surprised to see that they glowed in the dark water. They were a streak of neon blue before they disappeared into the depths of the lake, the pale moonlight still streaming in through the water, creating patterns on the wall in front of me.

It was beautiful, in a mysterious way.

Again, I wondered where the Marauders were, what they were doing.
But I just couldn't think of an answer. Nothing made sense.
They had followed Remus out of the great hall as the sun was setting, and I hadn't seen them since.

I decided I was wasting time trying to understand it, and I'd be better off going to bed.
I had my arms wrapped around my legs, my legs tucked up toward my chest casually.
I swung them from out in front of me, resting my feet on the floor before standing and making my way over to my bed.

Barty and Evan were still just as loud.

"Ah fuck! I didn't see that move." Evan said, as Barty placed a card down.

Barty laughed. "Either your blind, or I'm just that good."

"Hold on... gimme a second... shit." Evan muttered.

"Watch your language, you fucker." Barty joked.

They cussed unnecessarily, just because. It was annoying. I rolled my eyes at them before crawling into bed. I pulled the curtains shut and made sure I had my wand near me before turning off my lamp, then curling up under my blankets.
The curtain cut off some of the noise and light, and I soon started to feel quite tired.

My covers felt soft and warm, and I buried my face under them.

I thought about tomorrow, about leaving with James, with the other marauders. A sudden nervous excitement filled me, and tried to push the emotion down. I was trying to sleep.

But I thought about James, and I couldn't help the happy feeling that filled my chest, making my heart flutter a bit.
I might tease him, joke at him, or make fun of him, and some of it was true, but no matter what I was grateful for James bringing me with him.
Again, I was hit with the sudden feeling that I didn't deserve someone as caring as James. Someone so sweet and understanding, someone so selfless definitely
deserved someone better than me.

Don't think of that... my mind told me.
Think of something happy, do you want to have nightmares?

I couldn't help that, if I had nightmares or not, but it seemed pretty often that I found myself waking in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Tears sometimes blurring my eyes, rolling onto the pillow, my hands shaking..
I don't know why I got them, and I could rarely remember them, and it's not like I got them every night. Just often.

I remember sometimes sneaking into Sirius's room as a child when I couldn't sleep, asking Sirius if I could stay with him, and he'd let me crawl into bed with him.
He'd wrap his arms around me protectively, as I'd fall back asleep.
I never got nightmares with Sirius, but that was so long ago, and I was too old to sleep with a sibling like that, that's just be weird, right?
Yet I still felt lonely at night...

My eyelids began to feel heavy, and I closed them, clenching the blankets in my hands and pulling them up to my nose, burying my face in the soft material.

And I soon drifted into an uneasy sleep...

1129 words

:3 ty for reading meh peeps