Why are you so bloody perfect?! | jegulus

Regulus

I sat at the Slytherin table the next morning, silently cursing myself as I sipped my coffee like my life depended upon it.
It technically did cause I slept horribly last night.

I cursed myself for last night, I had been so stupid. I had acted so weak, like a child.
Had I actually cried?
Im so pathetic..

Should I have just jumped faster? Have I made a mistake?
Am I just a coward?

Stop. I told myself. Your not getting yourself anywhere.

Did James really care about me? No one ever has before, why would it suddenly change?

No, he does.. he said he loved you.

He said he loved me..
could I love him back? Could I love him equally?
I could never love anyone as much as James could, he deserve someone better than me.
I'm just a scrawny teenager who's dead inside but caffeinated and who doesn't understand the meaning of life but tries my best to understand it and to push through and act smart and like I'm not second questing myself all the time.
I'm just trying to do my best, to reach everyone's expectations but not really giving a shit either.

I wanted to be loved, but did I deserve it? I wanted someone to accept we, to love me for who I am, but maybe I was just never meant for that.

Your just going to make it worse. My brain scolded. Stop thinking like that..

I sipped at my plain black coffee, and felt it warm my throat.
I sat by myself, in my own little bubble, not having to talk to anyone. I liked it like that, for now at least.

I had to get to History class in about twenty minutes.
History wasn't so bad, it was boring, but sometimes it got interesting, and the homework wasn't horrible. Professor Binns was really the only boring thing about it.

After a moment I had finished my coffee, and decided to head to class early.
I rose from the table and made my way to the entrance.
I left the great hall, and started walking down corridors and flights of stairs, eventually making it to the classroom, and I waited outside until class started.

* * *Time skip cause I suck at writing class scenes and such* * *

It was later in the day now, around two in the afternoon, and I started heading to my last class. I don't know what I was going to do after I was done with lessons, maybe I could talk to Pandora? I hadn't seen her in while, she usually hangs out with other Ravenclaws, but sometimes she'll talk to me or Sirius, sometimes even Barty.
I considered her my friend, though I'm sure she was closer to other people she hung with.

She was always very kind, and never judged people. Others made fun of her sometimes, called her weird, odd, but I liked her strange personality. It was different, sure, but everyone has different traits to them, and hers were very unique.
She always seemed to be in her own world, and I found her company calming in a way, and not annoying like some other people.
My introverted self didn't like hanging out with very many people, but she was ok.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I saw James come around the corner. He looked glad to see me, like he had been looking for me almost.
He made his way over to me, and I looked up at him.

"Need something?" I asked him. I didn't say it in a rude way, and in fact I was happy to see him.

"Do I need a reason to see your beautiful face?" He replied.

"My face isn't beautiful." I told him.

"It very much is, Reggie." He insisted.

"Oh whatever. I can't make you see sense." I sighed. He smiled at me gently, and I think my heart melted. That can't be healthy.

"There's a hogsmeade weekend coming up." James said randomly. "I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?"

"So there is a reason you wanted to see me, besides just wanting to see my face." I mused.

"I always want to see you. But yeah, that's the reason." He admitted.

"Of course I'll go with you James, like I'd go with someone else." I told him.
He leaned in and kissed my head.

"I mean... unless the person was really hot.." I joked.

"You wouldn't actually!?" He told me.

"I'm just kidding! Do I look like the cheating type?" I asked him.

"No. You look like my Reggie."

"And that's a ridiculous nickname." I said.

"I can think of worse." He smirked.

"Please no." I sighed.

"Regooloos. Regolo.." he started.

"Just stop." I told him.

Reggo. Lus. Lucy?" He suggested.

"What the hell? Lucy?" I stated.

"Y'know, like instead of the beginning of your name, Reg, it's the end, lus. But Lus sounds weird, so Lucy instead." He explained

"Um.. ok." I didn't know what to say to that.

"I'm calling you Lucy now." James told me.

I rolled my eyes. "I guess it could be worse."

He smiled. "I guess I'll see you later, y'know, lessons.."

"Yeah, see you." I replied.

He planted a kiss on my cheek, making me feel suddenly warmer inside.

He then hurried off, heading toward his lessons.
I realized I must be late too, so I started walking toward my last class in a faster pace then normal.
How long had we been talking? Not that long, but I hadn't had a lot of time till class started in the first place.

I picked up the pace, into almost a jog, but more of just a speed walk.
I reached the right classroom just in time, thankfully.
And I headed into Transfiguration with a better mood than I had that morning.

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