Waiting On You [18+]

72

Tick-tock

Tick-tock

Tick-tock

Naomi watched the obnoxiously loud clock in her therapist's office count down as she knew that tomorrow was the day she needed to make a big decision.

Tomorrow was the day she needed to give Mariam her answer.

Her decision.

"Dr. I-" she went to steer the conversation in another route, but her therapist holding her hand up - shaking her head no because she needed to tell Naomi this, stopped her

"Okay so Naomi we need to discuss this. You can't change the subject right now because we were just on the cusp of it" her therapist told her bluntly because Naomi had been hiding something from her and she needed to explain to her the harsh reality of hiding this small piece of information from her

They'd began to talk about the past again, but this time it was a more recent moment of the past. The day of the BBQ to be exact. This was the first time Naomi had opened up to anyone about that day and her therapist immediately noticed something the moment she finished retelling the whole story.

She noticed something about Naomi that she hadn't before and it annoyed herself that she didn't pick up on it.

"You use sex to distract yourself, Naomi" she spoke aloud as Naomi chewed her cheeks in denial.

"You use it as a method of self harm" she continued, "You may have checked no against self harm when you first started to see me because you thought and believed that it was just something as simple as cutting yourself, or maybe starving yourself but that's was a lie. It comes in other forms, and you yourself do it. You do self harm, and you do it through sex. I don't think you personally saw it as self harm, maybe just an alternative option than running away from your problems but university definitely unintentionally brought that to light" she tried to explain to Naomi who just stayed silent

"You may or may not remember when Theo told you himself, in anger, that you give your body away easily because you couldn't give men in particular your heart and you then brushed it off because you thought that was simply because he was jealous of Seb. You may or may not have realised that you did it with Theo, yourself when you slept with him the first, second and third time during the end of first and the start of second year - where you refused to discuss what the two of you were" she recalled from her notes

"And, you may or may not know that you did it after the night of the carnival happened, the night of your twentieth birthday and Theo got into a fight"

"I get it, you're both horny 20 something year olds, of course you're gonna have sex. Of course you're gonna be reckless, but don't you think that it's time to talk about the fact that just after your ex assaulted you that afternoon in your friend's home during the BBQ, that you thought the best way to move past it was to sleep with Theo after he found you?"

"I think that you know yourself it was wrong, but you wanted to be that same girl he liked back in first year. You wanted to go back to being the girl who gave him that wonderful night of sex after you left him in the morning in first year, because you didn't want to talk about your feelings. Because you didn't want him to see the younger version of Naomi. The scared Naomi. The Naomi who was belittled, threatened, hurt."

"Raped." she finally said at the end of her list, as Naomi squeezed her eyes shut, trying to calm her breathing at that word

"You wanted to make him forget what he wanted to talk to you about because you yourself wanted to forget. You thought that the idea of pleasure would mask, no hide, what truly happened to the pair of you in that bathroom" her therapist waited for her response