Back To December// Cregan Stark / Hope Mikaelson

25. Hot & Cold

Drama Queen // Otto Hightower out now!

So she started painting again. What else was she supposed to do in Winterfell stuck with a snowstorm she couldn't see the phases of the moon. She had learned control but she always isolated herself just in case now she was trapped, trapped in a castle full of people. Trapped with Daeron and Cregan and she would hate herself forever if she hurt them.

Cregan didnt know how long he stared at her painting for, he leaned against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest watching the brush strokes, watching her tongue peak out from between her lips in deep concentration. Then she heard Frito running in. He wove between her legs before smiling an open mouthed, tongue wagging smile up at her. She reached down touching his pointed ears. 

"Tell your sister not to be a bitch." Hope instructed as she pet Frito but then her gaze shifted to Cregan. "Oh, hey... didnt see you there." She mused. 

"My sister too?" Cregan mused. 

"Yeah." Hope agreed bluntly. Cregan chuckled. 

"Sara has that affect on people."

"She seemed to be getting on great with Jace." Hope corrected. 

"Well that because she wants to fuck him." Cregan agreed and Hope dropped her paint brush. It splattered to the floor before she burst out laughing. 

"I dont see the appeal but okay." Hope agreed.  She watched him get closer to her and she held her breath.

"You got some paint in your hair." Cregan remarked stepping forward rubbing his fingers back and forth over a small section of her hair. She stared back at him silently.

She inched forward just the slightest wanting to be closer wanting to kiss him.

"Im not here for that." Cregan remarked but he was. He wanted her. He did come here for that. But knowing she wanted it to made him think they would destined to break again. That he would fall and she would run and his heart would break.

+

Cregan made Hope tea. Before she had fully even grasped the fact that he was doing this, not a staff, a servant but him, she was seated at his table, a steaming mug in front of her with him, waiting for him to say something, and there he sat as handsome as ever, a little tense in the seat across from her. He looked so at home here. Like this could have been them, every day...

 Which was a completely stupid thought because he was in his home, but he wasnt in his formal attire, it was his casual attire. Or maybe it was that she was in his shirt, his clothes considering she thought it was going to be a quick trip. Maybe that was it. The fact that they were together and she was in his clothes and this could have been their life, he could have been hers. 

Everything just made him look like he belonged, lord Stark of winterfell, like he was meant for this life.  She had come into his space, his home, his personal space and made herself at home and she tried to relax and pretend things were not tense as the calm settled around her.

She wanted this, he was clear that he didnt, but if not them then maybe just to work as a team. Work as former lovers... as formerly engaged... as two people that didnt want the world to burn. 

She had to do this for Alicent, she had to try and be that support that she knew her sister needed right now. 

 It was going to be a hard enough to win this war but without the Starks Alicent seemed to think it was an impossible feat. 

Their relationship, whatever it was, was hard to define, but even if she was stuck here in winterfell for another fortnight, a moon, she supposed maybe getting some closure with Cregan, it might be just as good as having his support for the war brewing. 

 She had never wanted to come here, never wanted to leave old town in the first place or what she had there. Routine and safety. Family.  But now. Now she didn't know how she had ever considered going back, giving this up. Giving Cregan up because she still loved him and that was why she didnt want to come.

 "Any idea on when this storm's passing?" Hope questioned innocently. 

"Not a damn clue." Cregan corrected.

"Any idea on... if you want me dead or not like your sister?" Hope mused. Cregan's lips pursed as he nodded a few times. "Good." Hope gave a half laugh. "Take your best shot. I deserve it." Hope remarked honestly. Cregan met her gaze. "I sort of figured you'd be happier about that. Free shot, no retaliation..." He shrugged as his fingers tapped the table in an uneven pattern like he was holding back what he really wanted to say.

"Can you talk to me? I cant handle the hot and cold." Hope begged and Cregan leaned back in his seat, arms crossed his chest like a wall she wasn't welcome to cross.  He didn't really have anything to say. That was a lie he had a million things to say but not until she opened up first. 

If they were having this talk a moon after she left and she showed up at winterfell he would have gladly drowned in the taste of her lips. A word never need be said again. But that was not this. 

"Can you talk to me?" Cregan countered.  "Well. Thank you for the secrecy yet again." Cregan remarked when hope remained quiet. He got up, moved to the sink to pour out his cup like she wasn't even there and Hope sputtered unable to form a sentence. "I'm not the problem Hope." 

 "What?" Hope demanded. "I never said you were."

"Then tell me the damn truth and we can move on!" Cregan begged. "We can both just move on because clearly I'm not the only one holding onto something that is long dead."

"Dead." Hope rasped. 

"I know you are not telling me everything and I want to trust you Hope but I can't. You claim I'm hot and cold well you are scolding and freezing!"  Cregan demanded and Hope's lip quivered.  "What else do you want there to be." Cregan's shot back, eyes dark and flashing. 

"You say such sweet things, you still have my paintings and my supplies after all these years... you... you are so sweet and then you act like this." Hope remarked desperately.

 "Like what." Cregan demanded, his tone hard and unmoving. Hope just sat there a moment longer before getting up. 

"Like you love me and then you don't want me breathing your same breath."