Starlight

Chapter 19: The Kiss

My heart was pounding against my chest. Jai's lips were moving heart achingly slow against my own. He was kissing me like I was made of porcelain. He was balancing on one forearm while his other hand ever so gently cupped my cheek. God, why did this feel so good. Never have I been kissed like this.

Slowly, Jai pulled away. He was breathing heavy. I was breathing heavy.

"You're very good at that," slipped out of my mouth.

Jai's face broke into a grin so wide his crows feet wrinkled, "You're not so bad yourself."

A nervous giggle escaped my lips. Jai leaned back down and captured my lips again. I moved my arms around his shoulders and pushed one hand into his soft hair. I felt his tongue brush against my lips so I opened my mouth to him. He ever so lightly brushed his tongue against mine. Holy shit, I think I forgot how to breathe.

Something was vibrating against my leg. I brought my hands back to his chest and pushed lightly. Jai instantly broke our lips apart and leaned back.

"What's wrong?" His brows were furrowed.

"I think your phone is ringing,"

Jai stared into my eyes for a little longer before he nodded and sat back on his haunches. He dug his phone out of his pocket and answered. The whole time he never moved his eyes from mine. I was fucking mesmerized. I never noticed that the green in his eyes is a beautiful blend of forest green and emerald green.

Suddenly he yanked his gaze away and snapped an angry "what" into the phone. He really started moving then. He hopped off the bed and began to grab all his things haphazardly.

"Yeah, I'll be there in ten. Don't fucking touch anything!" He snapped into the phone before hanging up.

"Everything okay?" I asked cautiously.

Jai whipped around when I spoke. The furious look on his face softened as his eyes met mine once again.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I've got to go but I'll call you later, okay?" he turned before I could react.

The door closed shut behind him and my heart sank. He doesn't have my number.

* * * * *

It took me all afternoon to decide I was glad Jai wrote me off. It was what I had been planning to do anyway. So what if he kissed me more intimately than I've ever been kissed before he did it. It was fine, no it was great. I wasn't even a little upset. Not in the slightest.

At least I wasn't noticeably upset. When I went to Kairi's apartment her and Elle couldn't tell. I had wanted to make sure Kairi was okay. I know the toll panic attacks can take sometimes. When I had got there she was taking a nap but Elle started bombarding me with questions.

I did my best to explain to her what a panic attack was and how you could best help someone experiencing one. I also tried to explain that's it's important to ask the specific person. Some people find touch and hugs comforting while it makes it ten times worse for others. I told her about the cold water, I told her about asking the person to list something they noticed with all five senses, and I told her how sometimes you just have to hunker down and wait for it to end.

Kairi woke up right before I was leaving. She thanked me for helping and apologized for making a scene. I, of course told her to shove her apology since it wasn't necessary in the slightest. She didn't talk about what had triggered her and I didn't ask. She glanced at my neck multiple times but she didn't ask either. Elle did have Kairi smiling and giggling before I left so I didn't worry too much.

After that I headed to my old job. The manager was still a slimy little sleazeball, but he agreed to let me come back. I didn't even have to promise to go bottomless so things were going better than expected. The tips were crap and my ankle made me want to shoot someone, but I made it through the night. Then the next. Then the next. Then it was Sunday and I had a day off.

Thankfully my old bar was open Monday through Saturday. It would suck only having one day off a week for the next five weeks, but it meant an extra nights worth of cash. Plus, I talked to my landlord Friday and because I've been such a good tenant that always pays in cash, he agreed to let me pay as much as I could this month and make up for it next month.

No homeless shelter for me, which was a relief. Todays the first day of September so my electricity is getting cut off tomorrow. I was up front with the landlord that I couldn't pay it this month. I haven't bought any new groceries and am pigging out on as much as I can today. Everything will spoil fast once the power goes.

My propane stove means ramen and I will be best friends until I earn back enough money to settle everything out. It'll all work. Things are good. Things are fine. I'm doing great. I never think about a hot gangster. Never wonder what he's doing. I definitely never catch myself thinking about our kiss. Never.

Fine, I'm upset. We've only met twice but both times turned into overnights. Plus, he's so easy to be around. Something about him just makes me feel at ease. I feel like I can be Evelyn. I haven't been Evelyn in so long. When my mom died, I thought she did too. Then, Jai showed and so did she. It was....freeing.

Regardless, it's not like it mattered. He said he'd call me when he didn't even have my number. A classic write off for hookups. It's not like he doesn't know where I live. If he had wanted to he could have come to see me the last few days.

He didn't.