Repeating Apologies (A Johnnie Guilbert Fic)

Bonus Chapter: If I'm Lucky

"Well you look so graceful but I'm not faithful, do you really want to be with me? Hello summer, should I say goodbye? Well it's been so long but I'm still thinking if it's worth another try."

*Johnnie's POV*

I am so behind on my videos it's so freaking frustrating. It's Saturday and I'm supposed to have my MDE video up by tonight. I doubt I'll have it ready for tonight. Not only that, but I still have to edit my main channel video and film another video. I'm so freaking tired, I'm so freaking stressed. I close my laptop and take a break. Breathe Johnnie, just breathe. I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in."

"Hey Johnnie. You're up early. For once." Bryan walks in and sits on my bed.

"Yeah. I woke up early to catch up on my editing."

"About that, how's your MDE video coming along?"

I sigh. "I'm still editing it. It's so frustrating I just want it perfect!"

"Relax Johnnie. Don't stress too much about it, you know how you get when you stress yourself out too much."

"I know. I just want my videos to not suck."

"None of them suck. You always put out great videos. Just relax and take a break." Bryan says. "It's not a shocker if you post your video a day late. Like you have been doing for the past couple of weeks."

I throw my a pillow at him.

"Kidding. Like I said take a break." He throws the pillow back. "Let's talk. What's up between you and Skye?"

I'm quiet for a moment. Honestly I don't know what's up between us. It's pretty obvious by now that there is something. But at the same time I don't know what to think of it. This is pretty much what I've wanted for a while, but now that I have it...it's like I'm second guessing everything. The thought of Skye and Riley being together for so long bothers me. She can't just be over him that quick. But what if she is? Or what if she's trying to be over it all? I don't want to be used. I've been used before and it sucks. It's the worst feeling. Not only is that bothering me, but there's so much I haven't told Skye. So much that I have kept a secret and the only people that know is Bryan....and Clover.

"I'm sure a lot is going on since you have a little something on your neck." Bryan throws the pillow back at me and grins.

I rub on my neck and blush. I noticed when I got home the other day.

"My wittle Johnnie is growing up." Bryan teases.

"Shut up!" I throw the pillow back at him. "Nothing is going on...I don't know what is going on." I lay on the floor in defeat. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Bryan sits down next to me. "I'm just messing with you." He pats my back. "What's going on? Earlier this week you were practically insane and over excited about her coming over, what happened?"

I sit back up and lean on my bed. "I just feel like this won't work out. And I'm afraid that it won't and I'll lose her again. It's either me overthinking that she's not over her ex and is just using me to get over him. Or overthinking about what she'll think when and if I tell her...what's been going on."

"You haven't told her?"

I shake my head. "Haven't had the chance honestly. Plus I'm afraid to tell her. Afraid she'll see me differently."