Repeating Apologies (A Johnnie Guilbert Fic)

Concrete

"You don't say what you mean when you say I'm what you need. You tell white lies from your heart of gold. I'm not the place you want to be. I'm just the places in between. I feel complete but uncomfortable."

I finally made it back home. It was pretty late but luckily my brother was still in town and picked me up from the airport. We drive in silence for a while as I think about the amazing weekend I just had.

"So how was everything?" Dalton breaks the silence.

"Good. Went to an open house at CalArts. Hung out with my friends."

"Did you like the school?"

"Yeah. Everything is so chill. It's my kind of environment."

He nods and is silent for a bit. "And Johnnie?" He suddenly asks.

This catches me by surprise. I didn't know that he was aware that we were talking or that he lived in LA now. My mom probably told him.

"What about him?"

"Oh c'mon you dork. You're really going to pretend that you didn't hang out with him while you were there?"

"Did mom tell you to ask me?" I try avoiding the question.

He shakes his head. "Just being a big brother, that's all."

"Well overprotective brother, the answer is yes. I did hang out with him for a bit." I lie not wanting to get into too much detail.

"So?" He says.

"So?"

"Are you two like a thing?"

"Um no. I'm sure mom filled you in about my recent breakup with Riley."

"Yeah well to be honest I was never a fan of Riley."

I turn to him. "Really? Why?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. I always felt like you two really didn't click. I mean I didn't say anything cause obviously you liked him. But I mean, I felt like you were much happier with Johnnie. Had a different smile when you were with him." We stop at a red light and he looks to me. "The one you're wearing now, that's the smile. The smile that I remember seeing when you first met him. The first smile I saw ever since all that shit happened to you."

I can't help but smile even more at Dalton's comment. He's right. It's the butterfly feeling all over again. As if we were meeting for the first time. He's helped me so much when I first moved to California. And he does make me happy and the fact that I have him in my life again just makes me feel...complete.

We start driving again. "Just be sure you know what you're doing, okay? Whatever choice you make, just make sure it's the right one and won't end up regretting it later on. School first, boyfriend later."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Well whatever he is, just no more broken hearts, okay?"

"Got it. Thanks bro."

"Cause this time I won't hesitate on hunting him down."

I laugh. "Please deactivate over protective brother mode."

Once we got home I called my mom who was still in the hospital. Luckily she's feeling better and will be released tomorrow afternoon. After that I started unpacking and decided to call Johnnie. To let him know that I got home okay.

"Hey Skye." He immediately answers. "How was your flight?"

"Hey. It was alright."

"How's your mom?" I had told Johnnie about my mom being in the hospital the night he came to my hotel.