Repeating Apologies (A Johnnie Guilbert Fic)

What This Means To Me

"This is the story of our lives, from the road we sit and watch it pass by. Is this the best use of my time? Don't worry my love, everything's alright."

I'm back in school, back to reality. I feel so tired. I'm not in the mood to be here today, especially since we're starting to cram material for final exams coming soon. I'm alone in study hall, my friends are busy meeting with their counselors to talk about college stuff. I swear everybody has gotten their acceptance letters but me. I'm still waiting on my letter from CalArts. This time I had my counselor help me out with my application. He says he'll let me know if he hears from them. I really hope I get accepted. I already have my future planned out, and for once, I'm happy with it. Someone opens the door and wakes me from my train of thoughts. I look up and see Adri walking in. She doesn't look over to me, instead she takes a seat at the back table. I turn around and see that she's looking through a book. I'm not sure if she saw me or not. Or if she's still trying to ignore me. I turn back around and continue to look through my book. I start to think. I did promise that I was going to try to talk to her, to make things right. But what do I even say? Would she even want to talk? I wouldn't know if I don't try. I take a deep breathe and collect my things. I get up from table and walk over to where she's sitting, a rush of fear and nervousness runs through my body.

"Hey." I softly say as I'm now standing by her table.

She looks up to me, her expression is unreadable. "Hi."

"Can I sit?"

She shrugs. "Go ahead."

I take a seat. This is awkward. Here goes nothing.

"Are we really not going to talk to each other anymore?"

"It's been working so far." She's blunt.

"Adri." I turn to face her. "You're my best friend. I hate that we're not talking. I'm sorry about what happened. I know you want what's best for me, you always do."

She puts her book down and looks to me.

"I know you meant well when you told me all that. But sometimes I have to take my own risks. Sometimes I have to learn to fuck up and learn to pick myself back up. I have to start learning since you'll be gone after graduation. But I don't want our friendship to end because of some stupid argument. I don't want you to leave with us still being on bad terms, so I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be apologizing. I'm the one who was being a bitch. I just...I just don't want you to get hurt again." She pauses. "Call me a mom but I hate seeing you upset or worst...I hate seeing you get hurt. Ever since everything went down and I saw how upset you got to a point where you got sick again...I didn't want anything to happen to you. I vowed to be the best friend I could be and make sure you didn't get hurt."

I softly smile.

"We had all these plans to spend life after high school together. All of us. But obviously things change, and I guess I was in denial that we were all going our separate ways for a while. And that you were heading towards Johnnie being your future. He hurt you in the past, and I know you moved on from that, but I like I said...I don't want you to get hurt again. Especially since I'll be away from you and can't help you as much as I want. But I guess whatever makes you happy, all I can do is be there and support you. But I really am sorry for being a bitch. I didn't mean any of that."

"I know you didn't." I reach over and hug her. "And thank you for being so caring. You don't have to apologize for caring. But I'm fine, really I am."

She hugs me tighter. "I'm sorry this stupid fight got in the way of everything. I mean what happened with Pratt, what happened between you and Riley, I'm so sorry."