Repeating Apologies (A Johnnie Guilbert Fic)

Hold on Till May

"This love was out of control. 3-2-1-where did it go?"

I won't lie and say that I'm happy. Though I wish things were different. Everything between Johnnie and I seemed fine. Sure there would be days where we barely talked because we're both busy and time zones suck, but even if it were for a few minutes I was happy hearing his voice. But as the weeks went by, there were days where we wouldn't talk at all. No texts, no Skype calls, nothing. At first it really didn't affect me cause I knew how busy he must be, but sometimes he would go days without talking to me. And when we did, it was just a short conversation and then he would have to go. Honestly it felt like I didn't even have a boyfriend. I try to be patient with him, but how are we going to make this work if there's no communication? Especially if I'm not 100% sure on when exactly I was going to move to California. How would we make this work for the next few months or even a year if we barely talk? I was worried that he was going through things, that is until Hayley reminded me of something. I'm not the jealous type, never was. But I can't help but think about it. I can't help but think about Johnnie's online life. I never was the one to get into social media like Twitter so I don't really know about his online life or what he's up to. But with how things are right now, I have no choice.

"Are you sure about this?" Hayley asks for what seems like the hundredth time.

"I already said yeah. Go for it."

I'm in Hayley's room, where she's logged in her Twitter, ready to show me Johnnie's page. I never asked of this before, never really cared to see what he's up to on a daily. But after I talked to Hayley about him becoming distant lately, she told me something, something I don't think I wanted to hear. She says that she's been noticing Johnnie tweeting to Alex a lot lately. Sometimes it's friendly, sometimes it's a little bit too friendly, more like flirting. It really didn't bother me at first because they are both on the same collab channel and are just friends. Plus people are aware that Johnnie and me are dating, I mean he did post that video and all. But that's not stopping people from shipping Johnnie and Alex, especially with their constant tweets to each other. Not only that, but there's even people talking about me, and not in a good way. Honestly I don't know what I did to receive hate, but that's the internet for you. People are saying that they prefer Johnnie dating Alex over me, they say that he's cheating on me, they say that I'm using him. I know I shouldn't let this bother me, but it is, especially now with Johnnie being so distant. Hayley hands me her laptop and I start scrolling through. She shows me the tweets between Johnnie and Alex first. I'm quiet as I look through them, Hayley is telling me about their history as I go through them. I remember most of the things she's telling me from when I asked my friends before we started dating again. It was obvious that there might be something between them, but I decided to forget all about that when I was going through my own issues. She then shows me the Johlex tag. As I'm looking through it, it's obvious that a lot of people ship them. And I mean A LOT. Sure there's people that don't, but it's still a crazy amount. Not to mention these edits with their tweets and all proving that their ship is real. It's getting a little too much to handle. But there is one more thing I have to see.

"Show me what they're saying about me."

"Skye I rather not. It's all internet hate, it's no big deal."

"Please Hayley. I need to see it."

She sighs but gives in to my demand. She goes to Johnnie's 'Girlfriend Tag' video and scrolls down to the comments. I read through them and immediately spot the hateful ones targeted to me. 'Why would he even date her', 'She's ugly', 'She's just using him for attention', 'You don't deserve Johnnie', 'He's probably dating you cause he feels sorry for you'. So much hate. I keep on scrolling and I can't help but think. Is it going to be like this all the time? Getting constant hate for dating Johnnie? Then again, I knew what I was getting myself into.