PAIN & PEACE OF LOVE (Gap the series)

11. Pills

Everyday that passes, feels like Mon is getting closer with Mr Kim, the distance between us getting longer and longer. Its feels like pushing me to death. I feel like dying all day. Everything that happens with me, gives me a reason to die.

That day, I was standing by the riverside just to give up, to die. But I don't know where the hell from Kirk came and my plan ruined.
I decided to really leave the world, cause my world is with someone else. How could I stand it? I wanted to die in a way no one would find that I was the one who killed myself, basically I attempted suicide. I wanna die in a unknown way.

So yeah, I went to a pharmacy, bought sleeping pills. I didn't take it to home, Mon's isn't only the CEO of Diversity but also a skilled detective, she'll surely find out. I decided to take all the 15 pills at office. I sat by my chair and thought how to take all those. I mean, I can't eat all the 15 at once. Should I take it one by one? Or should I take 4-5 at once. Ughh! How could I act funny in a serious situation like this?! Damn you Sam! I'll mix those in water and drink it. I did. After sometimes, I felt dizzy, but not like how I feel when I drink alcohol. Maybe that's why it's medicine.

I wonder how the thing which save people's life also can make them die. Just like loving someone.
I was dizzy, breathing was getting difficult. I was gasping for breath. My throat was getting dry. Then I fainted after struggling about half an hour. I don't know what happened afterwards.

I was feeling good. Is it what called dying? Am I dead? Where am I now? In heaven? Or hell? I didn't think much while taking the pills but now, when I don't know if I'm dead, thousands of questions are popping out in my mind.
What is gonna happen when I'm dead, I mean now if I'm already.

Is Mon gonna come to see me?
Yes, she'll certainly come! After all she loved me once.

Is she really gonna end up with Mr. Kim?
Will she be upset that I'm no longer with her?

Will Grandma break down? I've never seen her breaking down since the day I choose Mon.

Will my friends miss me? I was lucky to have them.

Will Khun Neung cry? She's already lost her one sister and now me.

Will Singha look for me? He loved me so much all this time.

What will happen to the family business?
Maybe Khun Neung will take care of it.

What will be Mon's parents reaction? Will they blame me for leaving their only child after getting married?
I should have died after making Mon free, I should have prepared divorce papers. But now, Mon can do that anytime.

Now you can be with anyone you want, Mon. You don't have anyone to hold you back anymore. You're independent. You can finally be happy. Find the happiness I couldn't give you. I'm sorry for that. I didn't love you enough. If only I did maybe you wouldn't decided to go with someone else. That's all my fault. You can definitely blame me for all this. Don't be upset about me, I didn't die for you. You had the right to be happy and you did it. I was no one to stop you from that. I just gave up cause I couldn't take it anymore. That's better to die once than dying everyday, every moment. That burns me when I see you with someone else Mon! It would be better if I burn in hell than burning alive.

I was thinking every unbelievable thoughts. I still don't know what happened, what was happening. After a moment, I don't know anything, even I couldn't think anything, I was surely dead! But why can I think now? Am I not dead?

I forgot that something called 'Time' exists on Earth. And I was totally unaware what time I was living in, what time is it now. I opened my eyes, everything was blurry. I was still struggling to breathe, I was wearing oxygen mask. I was in hospital. I was a little surprised that I was still alive. I saw Mon sitting beside me, stain of tears all over her cheeks, messy hair. They were overwhelmed seeing me conscious. But I got a glimpse of her and again closed my eyes. I wanted to open again but my body didn't allow.
Maybe they were calling me as I closed my eyes again. After a moment I couldn't hear them anymore. Time passed but not for me. It's like I just took the pills. I open my again and saw doctor was beside me, checking my pulse, I looked around. There were Mon, Khun Neung, And my friends. Khun Neung was holding Mon as she was breaking down seeing me like this. Seeing me opening my eyes, Mon rushed towards me and said many things. They asked me some questions. Doctor asked me when I took those pills, how many pills did I take etc etc. I heard them all, but I didn't answer those important questions. When Mon asked is it because her and blaming herself for it I couldn't control myself. I tried hard to talk to her, but my mouth was getting shutted. I couldn't speak. I could only release some weird sounds instead of answering. Then I lost my consciousness again.

Everytime I wake up I can't remember the last time. Now I don't even remember what I did when I got fainted for the first time. I'm losing my memories.

Whenever they were trying to wake me up, I was getting too much annoyed. Even when they were touching me just a bit, it was hurting like hell. I don't know what happened to my body. Maybe those are the side effects of sleeping pills.

I woke up several times but for only 3 seconds, maybe the time I was being fed. I was getting better time by time. But always forgetting the last time, I couldn't remember who were calling me last time or what are they asking me. I was even struggling to recognise some of them. My vision was blurry but I got better, I don't know after how much time. I was sleeping all day. Whenever they make me sit, I was falling, like I don't have energy or my body wasn't working.

I finally woke up being a little normal. They were trying to act normal also. But I know how they were feeling. They called doctor. He asked me several questions. But I couldn't answer most of them as I forgot what exactly happened. I was feeling much better. They told me I was sleeping for two days. It's already the third day in hospital.

There wasn't grandma, I knew, she wouldn't come. But it make me upset also. Mon was there all the time, she didn't eat or rest for a moment. She was looking like she need to be admitted beside me too. Mon was apologizing continuosly. Everyone was worried. Mon asked why I did that several times but I didn't answer. I was silent most of the time.

___________________

[Here I am! Let me explain guys. I completed writing this part already but when I opened my Wattpad to post, it wasn't opening. 'Connection error' was popping up everytime. I tried many ways to fix it. I even searched on YouTube how to fix, I cleared the cache as it said in the videos but when I did my account logged out. I tried to log in again and again but it wasn't working. I was like half dead.
Now I connected my phone with a different Wi-Fi and finally it worked. It caught me off guard!

So thank you guys for waiting, if you're still reading please do, be there till the end. I'm really grateful. Please forgive this dumb-headed author. I'll be careful this time. Again thank you very much for reading patiently! Love youuuu all! 💝]