Stumbling (H.S. / A.U.)

Chapter 1

Saturday, August 26th

Riley's POV

Scrolling through tiktok endlessly on a Saturday night wasn't the exact plans I had hoped for, but after everything that has happened in the past few days I don't know what else to do, who to talk to, or even who to trust really.

I thought all those stupid and cheesy romantic movies taught us our "true love" was right under our nose the entire time, and once we fuck we will instantly realize it, that of course would cause us to fall in love and the rest is history. It didn't happen like that. Who knows where Harry even was right now, or who he was with at this point. I can't trust him at all.

If it isn't him drowning himself in alcohol, numbing himself with drugs, or the constant rotation of women that he probably already forgot the names of, then who knows what stupid and fucked up things he is up to this time.

Honestly, who are you kidding, you are sitting here thinking about him, and he doesn't even remember you exist. Get over it. Do you understand how desperate you seem right now?

I love when my inner monologue reminds me of how I got into this annoying clingy stage that I am at right now.

If I could just lie to myself and say I have no feelings, I probably would be a lot better off right now.

Harry didn't take my virginity or anything, but falling for him was a giant mistake that I knew better than to do. I dated in high school, I had previous relationships and stuff.... But this... this was different. He was different.

I only met him about a month ago... so how has he become this important to me already?

FUCK. I just want to get over him.

It should be easy to get over someone you never had right? Someone who didn't care about you, who only wanted you when there was something in their system... someone who probably was off with someone new right now.

I wish I could just tell my brain to shut up for five minutes.

Instead I am laying here scrolling endlessly on tiktok, a Saturday night, while pretending that  it is keeping me distracted. 

It isn't working.

I just keep thinking about how I wish Harry was here or that I was with him.

Earlier I flipped through old photos just to see his face. We didn't have any together like a normal couple would because we weren't a couple. Another reminder.

But I have a few snapshots that exist. Most are just photos of me catching him off guard in a moment or at a party with friends.

My favorite was the photo I had of him from that night at the beach. His black skinny jeans were rolled up halfway to his knees. He had a loose shirt on that allowed his arm tattoos to be on full display. His hair in a low resting bun of messy curls, with a few escaping due to the wind, falling lightly around his face. He looked majestic with his strong jaw, bright eyes, thick brows, and light pink lips. His fingers were encased in thick and large rings, his arms were on his knees and he sat digging his feet in the sand. He looked determined with furrowed brows.

He never knew I took the photo, he wouldn't have allowed me to even.

But I did, and I cherished it.

Seeing this version of Harry made my heart swell.

It was the calm before the storm that always comes.

The sober and safe version of him that I wanted to see more of. I wanted to call home.